Why do girls want children. Why does the wife not want children and what to do about it? Woman doesn't want children
“It’s too early for me to give birth, while I’m still young, now in eight or ten years ...”, - today such a phrase can be heard from many married women thirty years.
Why do women deliberately put off motherhood? Why doesn't maternal instinct work? And is there a health risk in such postponing? Responsible priest, psychologist and obstetrician-gynecologist.
stretching childhood
Archpriest Andrei Lorgus, rector of the Institute of Christian Psychology:
Archpriest Andrei Lorgus
I can answer this question based on my pastoral and counseling experience.
First of all, as an anthropologist, I want to note that there is no maternal instinct. This is a common literary myth, a play on words. Moreover, there is nothing instinctive in human behavior. A person is born with certain unconditioned reflexes, then conditioned reflexes are developed, but no instincts exist in a person. An instinct is a program “recorded” in the genome; a human baby does not have such a program. But what is developed later is family, tribal and cultural skills. If there was a maternal instinct, would there be so many abortions?
Experience shows that young women today have a very high value of professional self-realization. Women want to do as much as possible before the time when they are forced to leave their profession, their vocation, career for a long time and devote themselves completely to the child.
Secondly, both in society itself and in civilization as a whole, such events take place that postpone the moment when a woman becomes psychologically ready to become a mother. There is a growing demand for motherhood, for marriage in general. That is, now, in order for a woman to get married, the family and society expect her to be successful (including financially), educated, and have reached some social position.
Another civilizational specificity is stretching. We know from Russian history that earlier, at the age of 12-13, girls were given in marriage, and boys got married. With the development of civilization, this period is moving away, moving away. The further, the later adulthood comes. 18 years is a conditional age. In America, for example, a person officially becomes an adult at the age of 21.
A schoolchild who received a matriculation certificate at the age of 17–18 is considered by modern society as a child. Then he enters the institute, and the institute is, in fact, a continuation of childhood. And the attitude towards a seventeen-year-old person from the side of the family, those around him, and his attitude towards himself towards himself - as towards a child. Naturally, until a girl graduates from college, she does not feel ready to marry and become a mother.
There are also subjective factors why women put off motherhood. One of them is the subjective negative family experience of living with the parents' family. There is a lot of such experience in modern girls. Namely: alcoholism of parents or one of them and, accordingly, violence; divorce of parents, too bad relationship between parents. It is clear that a girl who grew up in such a family will look at marriage as a source of scandals, personal grief, constant disorder and instability and will not strive for marriage or motherhood.
Another subjective factor is the psychological, personal immaturity of the mother, who was unable to show her daughter her own happiness in motherhood and marriage.
Well, of course, it’s worth talking about the personal life of a girl who goes through school, in the yard, in a company, about the negative experience that you can get there.
All this together gives the described trend: often women try to postpone the birth of a child or completely refuse motherhood.
From a rational point of view, a child is very disadvantageous
Ekaterina Burmistrova, family psychologist, host of a series of online seminars on family psychology “A child goes out into the world”:
We have such a phenomenon, but it is not yet as pronounced as in Europe and America, where the reproductive age has shifted very much towards growing up. In Spain, a woman who gives birth for the first time at the age of forty is a young mother. The birth of a child by a woman at an early age is already perceived as a kind of violation of social norms. This is due to an objective situation, for example, the fact that both spouses need to work to pay off the same mortgage.
Increasing the age of the birth of the first child is a demographic reality, and not only today: already the generation of grandmothers gave birth late.
These European tendencies reach us as well. The model of having a child at a later age has migrated to us with a special perception of life: “Take everything from life”, “Have time to realize yourself”. Moreover, as is often the case, we adopt everything in an exaggerated form.
A modern woman is greatly influenced by the opinion that first you need to do everything, build a career, live for yourself, and only then can you give birth to a child.
But if in other countries, given the current level of medicine, climate, and nutrition, such a postponement of the birth of the first child can be justified to some extent, then it is more difficult for us. A forty-year-old American woman looks different than a Russian peer, even from a middle-income class. First of all, climatic factors play a role here.
Very often single women do not give birth, and this is understandable. Women living in a civil marriage do not dare to have a child, and this can also be understood.
But at the same time, women who are in a reliable marriage do not give birth. Sociologists even came up with the term “marital family”, where the role of a child can be occupied by one of the spouses, a pet or a hobby.
Circumstances modern life family values have also changed. In an urban family, children as future workers (as it used to be) are not needed. On the contrary, the child is perceived as an investment project in which you need to invest and invest.
As a rule, this is how people perceive the situation, for whom faith occupies at least a peripheral place. For them, the birth of a child is not the crown of marriage, the best creation, but, I repeat, an investment project. Before you start to implement it, you should think very, very much. After all, people, before, for example, taking a mortgage, must weigh everything: will they be able to pay for twenty years, will there be enough money. With a child, with such a look, the same thing happens.
Office workers are more likely to have this mindset.
Have a baby - leave the beauty market
The situation with postponing the birth of a child is a consequence of capitalism, demographic and family policy. In Russia, a woman, having given birth to a child, immediately falls out of the stratum of the socially insured, the standard of living in the family immediately drops, and the dependency burden increases. The allowance that is paid for a child is not enough for life.
A model of a single-career family immediately arises, where one man (if any) works. And this is a special path for which not everyone is ready. Here there is a very large load on one worker.
Another reason: people who take good care of their bodies do not give birth, believing that after childbirth, feeding, a woman can lose her attractive qualities, which means she can leave the beauty market. We do not have an ideal of the beauty of a mature woman. In the West, by the way, there is a ruler complete models, we have the same standard continue to be women - girls.
Some women (by far not all) do not dare to have a child because they are not sure about the man who is nearby. That is, people are together, but not in order to live together all their lives, until old age. Such marriages are usually temporary. But, by the way, it happens that if a woman wants a child, she decides to have him.
Maternal instinct
The maternal instinct, of course, exists, it can just be muffled. If a woman does not give birth at the age of 20–25, after 28–30 years the maternal instinct may begin to fade, and after 35 in our climate it may almost disappear. The statement that the older a woman is, the more she wants a child is not true.
One can draw an analogy with the “mowgli” children, who, at the time when their peers learned to speak, lived outside of human society. Then it was already very difficult to teach them to speak: the time of the sensitive (sensitive) period of learning had passed. So it is with the maternal instinct - if the child is not born on time, the woman begins to look distantly at other women with children. That is, if at first a woman, looking at mothers with children, understands that she also really wants a child, and does not allow herself to want (it’s not for nothing that the phrase “she couldn’t afford a child”), then she simply stops wanting.
Indeed, if you use only rational considerations, a child is very unprofitable and energy-consuming. And all the ideas that a child gives extraordinary feelings, incredible joy, do not work, because the maternal instinct is turned off.
A woman who postpones or refuses to have a child is likely to replace the void with something, some other values will take the place of motherhood. Each - in its own way. Someone will be very careful about themselves, someone - to their apartment, dog, hobby, to their career. That is, the desire to nurture and nurture can go to indoor plants and pets.
Maybe such a woman will go to help volunteers - in hospitals, orphanages. More often this happens in situations where the relationship with her husband did not work out and for this reason she does not decide to have a child, but the need to take care remains.
Late pregnancy by choice
Late first pregnancy is often not as physiological as pregnancy at an earlier age. And it is much more difficult for parents to recover at forty than at twenty, in many respects. So, psychologists believe that if a marriage is more than three years old, and a child is born to the spouses, this is a risk factor for marriage. And I have many cases of counseling families in which a child was born late, and after that there were problems between the spouses.
If a woman deliberately postpones the birth of a child for a long time, her maternal instinct may simply not turn on when he is born.
Another danger of such a late postponement is increased anxiety, constant fear for the child. Moreover, such a child often turns out to be the only one. People who deliberately postpone the birth of a child sometimes have difficult pregnancies and difficult first years of a child's life. These children are rushed to grow up: the age of the parents, and a lot of hopes and hopes associated with the child.
Another point is the lifestyle that has developed over the past years, small habits that are already difficult to give up (coffee with a book in the morning, an evening trip to the gym) will make it difficult to accept a child.
Not necessarily all of this will happen to every woman who has a late first child: I know wonderful mothers who gave birth at forty. But, as a rule, they gave birth late, not because they were postponing, but because it didn’t work out or they were not married.
But, I repeat, maybe the first late pregnancy can be ideal, including psychologically, as well as further life with a child. How difficult are early pregnancies and difficulties with children born early.
But still, we are not talking about particulars, but about a general trend.
How treasures are wasted
Galina Zlobina, obstetrician-gynecologist, doctor of the highest category:
Every girl is given a certain supply of ovarian follicles from birth. We can say that this is her treasure for life. And this stock of follicles, which allows an egg to be born, is different for every woman.
The longer she puts off pregnancy, the birth of a child, the more this reserve is depleted. It's one thing if a woman is given three million follicles, she can spend it for a long time, and someone is given two million, someone - one million, and someone in general - a hundred thousand. Depending on this stock and the prospect for each woman to become pregnant and give birth to a child is different. Someone will be able to give birth to fifteen children in a lifetime, and someone will have one or two children.
And if a woman postpones the birth of children for a long time, and she does not have such a large supply of follicles, then her chances of becoming a mother are, in principle, sharply reduced.
A woman who puts off having a child, for example because of her career, may also put off getting married. Various sexual relations before marriage - a high risk of developing infectious diseases. Their presence increases the risk of non-developing pregnancies and infertility.
With age, in general, as you know, a person does not become healthier, especially living in modern rhythms, in the current ecological situation. A "bouquet" of gynecological and other diseases is accumulating, including the cardiovascular system, the nervous system. All of them also complicate the possibility of becoming pregnant, and then bearing a child.
It happens that women postpone, explaining the possible risks, that it is now possible to use new technologies, such as in vitro fertilization. Even if you do not take the spiritual aspects of this procedure, it is very difficult. Not only in a technological sense: this technique makes very high demands on a woman's health. A very strong hormonal stimulation of the ovaries is used there, which is fraught with numerous complications not only at the time of the procedure, but also has long-term consequences. This affects the state of blood vessels, the entire hormonal system ...
A woman's uterus is designed to bear and give birth to a child. The further a woman pushes the period of pregnancy, the greater the risk of various diseases of the uterus, such as fibroids, endometriosis. And when a woman finally decides to get pregnant and give birth, she cannot do this, including because of such diseases. In order to get pregnant, she has to be treated, sometimes including promptly.
All this leads to the fact that women at this age practically do not give birth through the natural birth canal. If a woman manages to become pregnant, bear a child, then childbirth, as a rule, is through a caesarean section ...
But it is natural childbirth, as a rule, that frees a woman from further postpartum depression. Operative childbirth, on the contrary, contribute to its occurrence.
And in women who delay their pregnancies into the future, postpartum depression is more common. Depression is especially severe in women who become pregnant through.
Of course, it cannot be said that this happens to everyone, but the percentage of postpartum depression is higher in primiparous women over 35 years of age who have undergone surgical delivery.
In addition, many modern women have a history of abortion. And that preceded pregnancy can be not only the cause of infertility, but also complicate subsequent childbirth, if, nevertheless, the woman managed to become pregnant and bear the child.
There are such moments as discoordination of labor activity - incorrect contractions that do not contribute to the opening of the cervix (the receptor and muscular apparatus of the cervix suffers during an abortion), which leads to a caesarean section, and can also cause traumatization of the birth canal, rupture of the cervix.
Late first pregnancy is usually not easy. A woman often faces the threat of abortion, which requires the use of drugs in the first weeks of pregnancy. Moreover, the trend now is such that it is necessary to prescribe a lot of medicines to maintain pregnancy. It is difficult to calculate the long-term consequences of taking these drugs, to understand how certain drugs affect the development of the fetus in the early stages of development and how it will affect the child's health in the future.
Prepared by Oksana Golovko
She doesn't want to have kids! Why?
Modern girls are increasingly putting in the first place not family and children, but career and personal development. Financial independence made it possible for the beautiful half of humanity to become free from prejudices and standards of behavior. But many people are still very outraged by the question why a woman does not want to have a child?
A long time ago, there was a stereotype in society that the main purpose of a woman is to give birth and raise children. Being the guardian of the family hearth and mother is natural for the fairer sex. However, the statement that all women are obliged to give birth is fundamentally wrong. With the same success it can be argued that the main task of a man is to become a father.
Children are the flowers of life. They bring joy and happiness to parents, are the key to a calm and well-fed old age. However, raising a child is a hard daily work, both moral and physical. This process requires patience and certain knowledge, and most importantly, psychological maturity. If a woman does not want to have children, do not rush to condemn her. Let's try to understand the reasons.
1. Lack of maternal instinct. According to statistics, there are about 10% of women on the planet who are deprived of the instinct of motherhood. This is their innate feature, and it must be tolerated. Still, not wanting to have a child is not a crime. Such girls can benefit society in other ways. It is far better to perfect one's own personality than to educate a new person incorrectly.
2. Career focus. Many business ladies simply do not have time to plan children. They disappear from morning to night at work, striving to achieve success and constantly compete with men. crying baby and sleepless nights clearly do not fit into their schedule. Of course, you can first give birth to a child, and build a career after 35 years. But more and more modern girls go into work headlong from early youth.
3. Fear of losing freedom. Some girls are frightened by the fact that after the appearance of the baby they will have to give up entertainment and a fun life. The child takes a lot of time and effort, requires constant supervision. For many emancipated ladies, this is a nightmare.
4. State of health. Doctors do not recommend giving birth to some girls due to congenital or chronic pathologies. In this case, childbirth is a real threat to the life of a woman. There are also girls who are simply afraid of pregnancy and childbirth themselves, because they have poor health. Carrying a baby and taking care of it can be a real challenge.
5. Lack of a reliable life partner. If a woman has a husband, but does not feel behind him, like behind a stone wall, then she does not want to have offspring either. She is not sure that he will be able to provide and protect her and the children, she fears that all the difficulties of raising a baby will fall on her shoulders. There is no suitable father, which means that the child should not be born.
6. Material needs. Nowadays, children require significant financial investments. As babies, they need pushchairs, diapers and children food, at school age - clothes, books and beautiful notebooks. And what about mobile phones and computers? Modern parents try to do everything so that their children do not feel disadvantaged. However, this is not the case for everyone…
7. A sad example of his own family. If the girl's father and mother lived like a cat with a dog, and she, in turn, suffered from this, then her unwillingness to have offspring, and indeed a family in general, is quite understandable. The woman is afraid of repeating the fate of her mother, does not want to relive the situation that traumatized her psyche in childhood. Only a loving and reliable man can change the position of a girl, who will prove to her that it is possible to live differently.
8. And finally - selfishness. Sometimes there are girls who simply do not want to have children, because they live only for themselves. Most of them grew up in luxury and were not accustomed to sharing their blessings with anyone else. They are capricious and spoiled, and do not want the love and attention of everyone around to switch to the child. It happens that a wealthy woman knows for sure that a bad mother will come out of her, and decides not to give birth to a baby. She can give him everything he needs, but only in material terms.
How to treat women who do not want to have offspring is a private matter for everyone. But a child should be born only when both parents are mentally ready for this. It is necessary to feel responsibility for the family and the baby, to realize that you are already an adult and a serious person. If the father or mother is still a child in her soul, one should not rush to give birth to her own. If all people understood this, there would be fewer unhappy children's destinies on earth.
In modern society, the stereotype that a woman is the keeper of the family hearth, and her main mission on earth is to procreate, is gradually being forgotten. Nowadays, girls care more about their careers than about their families and children. This allows them to earn their own capital and not depend on men. And yet many people wonder why a woman does not want to have children.
There is no need to condemn a woman for not having a desire to have offspring, because modern ladies have many reasons for this. The birth and upbringing of a baby is a kind of feat that requires daily moral and physical efforts. It is hard to babysit a child, but it is even more difficult to raise a good and decent person out of him. This problem is especially relevant in our time, when, in addition to parents, children have many dubious authorities.
Therefore, the fear or unwillingness to give birth to a baby can be called quite natural. And yet, let's try to understand the issue in more detail.
Why a woman does not want to have children: the most common reasons
1. Absence of a worthy man
Even 50 years ago, girls did not “sort out” grooms as much as modern educated young ladies. They jumped out to marry for love, and after some time they were bitterly disappointed. In the meantime, a child was born who prevented the mother from breaking off an unhealthy relationship. In most of these cases, it turned into flour.
Modern girls calculate everything in advance. They want to see a reliable and loving person nearby. Many live in a civil marriage and are in no hurry to go to the registry office. This indicates only one thing - the woman is not sure of her chosen one. Having a man does not mean having a potential father for joint children.
2. Bad example of parents
Often girls who grew up without a father or saw him bad attitude to their mother, they are afraid to create their own family, so as not to step on the same rake. They do not see anything good in family life, so they prefer lonely freedom. It is natural for a daughter to repeat the fate of her mother, because she imitates her on a subconscious level. But realizing this with a sober mind, women avoid. And only a real loving man can prove to such a girl that family life can turn out quite differently.
3. Material need
Nowadays, women understand that a child is a luxury. In infancy, he will need expensive diapers, then interesting and beautiful toys, and even later - school supplies and beautiful clothes. It is already difficult to imagine modern schoolchildren without phones, tablets and computers. And all this requires serious money. A woman thinks about whether she can pull the family if her husband suddenly leaves her and does not help the child in any way. Poor children grow up disadvantaged and insecure. How should a mother look at this?
4. Bad health
Many girls are now prevented from becoming mothers by certain chronic pathologies. After all, the state of today's youth leaves much to be desired. Doctors strongly advise some women not to give birth so as not to endanger their own lives. Naturally, in this case, every sane girl is forced to abandon the implementation of the maternal instinct.
5. Career focus
Many business women do not have time to plan a child, because they direct all their efforts to the development of their personality and. Constant rivalry with men, work from morning to night - it's great exhausting nerves. You have to choose - family or self-realization. More and more women achieve success in their youth, and having plunged headlong into work, they simply forget about their personal lives.
6. Fear of losing freedom
Some emancipated girls see the birth of a baby as an automatic end to normal life. You will have to forget about parties and nightclubs, and in return the woman will get sleepless nights and shattered nerves. It is much easier to take care of yourself and live as you want.
7. Lack of maternal instinct
About 10% of the fairer sex are completely devoid of maternal instinct. Such a woman does not want children. This should be treated as an innate feature, and not condemned. After all, not wanting to have a baby is not a crime. This is a woman's personal choice. Each person is capable of being useful to society in other ways. Agree, it is much better to strive for the ideal yourself than to raise an unworthy person.
8. Selfishness
There are also girls who are used to living only for themselves. Perhaps they were spoiled as children. Or is it just . Such women do not want to waste their time and energy on someone else. They believe that the world revolves around them. They are horrified by the fact that the love and attention of others can switch to the baby. Well, their decision not to have children is perfectly reasonable. It's better to live for yourself than to become a bad mother.
If a woman does not want children yet, do not rush her. Only serious and psychologically mature people can consciously plan children. A child is a huge responsibility, and both parents should be ready for it.
- career is worth it!
- children - what use are they?
03.03.2017, 15:34 #1
03.03.2017, 16:32 #2
Posted by True Lies
So don't risk it.
04.03.2017, 01:15 #3
04.03.2017, 02:29 #4
Message from Sheriff
04.03.2017, 12:46 #5
04.03.2017, 16:01 #6
04.03.2017, 16:12 #7
Posted by True Lies
06.03.2017, 01:15 #8
06.03.2017, 01:31 #9
A message from Afina
Added - - -
06.03.2017, 01:35 #10
psyforum.org
Topic: Why do some women not want to have children?
- - fear of childbirth. Fear of pain, complications, bad experience with relatives, "terrible" stories from friends, films seen enough
- - Career first! (study, work) - and then you can take on the children
- - now there are no conditions (money, housing, stability in the country)
- What about young life? First, to travel around the world, at least, and not mentally ready
- - a man does not want (does not marry or is against)
- - philosophical reflections. Everyone, like, says that family comes first. And I'm not a gestation machine! I want to give birth! Until then, stay away!
- - there is no suitable father candidate
- I don't like children. Children are nasty, yelling, climbing everywhere, disturbing order, disobeying and being rude
- too much time is spent on children, which is not
- career is worth it!
- unable to be a good mother, have no maternal instinct
- my figure is too dear to me! Everything will have to start over
- children - what use are they?
- first the children, then the housewife at the stove and sink! I don't live for this. This is the way to become a maid to a man
- a child will change your whole life! You will never belong to yourself!
- Sheriff (03.03.2017),Afina (04.03.2017)
03.03.2017, 15:34 #1
It would seem that all the conditions exist: a loving husband, an apartment, income, education, age - but a woman does not want to have children. The husband wants, grandparents are waiting - but the woman does not want ... Well, or a similar situation. What to do? And do you need to do something? Probably, such women can be divided into those who understand that somehow or someday they should have children. Another part of the women believes that children in her life are not required at all - which means that nothing needs to be done about it. What drives women from the first group?
I would like to remind those who are “wavering” that there are so many women on the planet with children (and even with two or four) with a beautiful figure, an enviable career, who earn good money, who are successful everywhere and have traveled all over the world!
Last edited by True Lies; 03/03/2017 at 15:38.
03.03.2017, 16:32 #2
Posted by True Lies
It would seem that all the conditions exist: a loving husband, an apartment, income, education, age - but a woman does not want to have children.
Haven't come across this. I met that she was lonely, but she was afraid to give birth for herself, or they pulled, pulled, they didn’t go to the doctors, as a result, there are no children. And if a man, purely theoretically, can become a father even at the age of 70, then it is more difficult for a woman.
So don't risk it.
04.03.2017, 01:15 #3
Some people don't want change in their lives. They have already developed their own way of life, and the only thing that can be accurately predicted with children is the eternal mess. Well, if they want to take care of the children, then there are probably brothers and sisters with many children. It's easier, I played with someone else's child and went to my quiet and comfortable apartment, where no one paints the cat and does not wash my father's phone in the toilet.
04.03.2017, 02:29 #4
Message from Sheriff
Haven't come across this. I met that she was lonely, but she was afraid to give birth for herself, or they pulled, pulled, they didn’t go to the doctors, as a result, there are no children.
Well, most of these cases. Ordinary human causes, the result of fears, mistakes or unfortunate life circumstances. There are much fewer unique people who have "anti-childish" theories. Even Wikipedia has an article about childfree - "a life position characterized by a conscious reluctance to have children." Further it is written that these are not those who postponed or were late. And not even those who are childheit - deto-haters (and there are such, it turns out!). This naturally came from the beacon of democracy - the term of the 70s, and the emancipated childfree movement - from the 90s. The scientific explanation of the phenomenon - Reproductive impotence - is the unwillingness or inability to have children, due to the inability to implement certain types of reproductive actions. That is, the very inharmonious development of the personality, which was written above. In the United States, there are up to 25% of followers of the Childfree movement - which you don’t want to believe. This is probably the case when supporters of traditional views and supporters of life without children cannot be reconciled.
04.03.2017, 12:46 #5
Those who do not want to have children are crazy! How can you not want to continue your family? And people pull for different reasons. Most often, they are simply not sure of their chosen one or simply do not have one. Or some other reasons, everyone has their own. But stalling doesn't mean you don't want to. And if you deliberately refuse parenthood - this is not normal. And the reason may be a psychological trauma from childhood.
04.03.2017, 16:01 #6
Seviliya, well, there is such a phenomenon. In our country it looks like the result of a childhood trauma, but in the West it is a whole movement. I read that in the US, white women in this movement have the largest percentage. That is such a product of civilization. So far, this has not been presented to us, and we would not want to. It is clear that when a girl grew up in a "difficult" family, in adulthood she may have problems in order to start a family of her own. But sometimes it seems that selfishness is to blame. Today, the youngest child in the House of Culture danced at a concert. Almost most of the day was spent on: bringing, dressing, combing, feeding, warming up, taking seats in the hall, waiting for the performance, then warming up again, feeding, waiting for the awards, changing clothes, handing in costumes ... All for the sake of five minutes of happiness - a dance that rehearsed for six months.
04.03.2017, 16:12 #7
Posted by True Lies
All for the sake of five minutes of happiness - a dance that was rehearsed for six months.
But impressions - for a year! And for the sake of these five minutes, everything else is worth doing.
06.03.2017, 01:15 #8
It turns out that childfrees are also divided into several categories: rejectors are those who do not like children; affecionados are those who are simply fine without children. childheit - hating children.
The last, rather the result of the behavior of some YAZHEMATEREY, well, you know what I mean. They let the kids do whatever they want. Yelling, pestering others, even kicking them with their feet. They are children, they can. And mothers have the idea of free education of the individual, without prohibitions for children.
06.03.2017, 01:31 #9
A message from Afina
The last, rather the result of the behavior of some YAZHEMATEREY, well, you know what I mean.
Afina, adequate people understand that an ill-bred child is the result of under-education. My parents on the train get annoyed when children run around the car, look into strangers' compartments, yell and so on, but they did not become detonaters. They condemn mothers who do not take care of children. A message from Afina
And mothers have the idea of free education of the individual, without prohibitions for children.
No, this is a fashionable excuse, an excuse for your laziness.
Added - - -
A message from Afina The rejectors are the ones that kids don't like; affecionados are those who are simply fine without children.
childheit - hating children.
This means that insanity grew stronger ...
06.03.2017, 01:35 #10
Perhaps these are those who were the only child in the family. He had neither a cat nor a dog, and his parents did not give him the opportunity to take care of someone, to love someone weak. They just don't understand how it's done. A child for them is a kind of alien, whose presence nearby causes discomfort. Pity them? I dont know. If they are happy and so, then so be it, you will not fertilize them by force.
psyforum.org
Psychology why a woman does not want children
5 reasons why women choose not to have children.
Once upon a time, childfree was a fashionable, but unfamiliar word. Women who openly admitted that they did not want to have children and did not plan to have a child were considered at best strange and unnatural, and at worst stigmatized.
However, condemning is a pointless and unpromising undertaking. It is much more interesting to understand why women do not want children. Is "childfree" a principled life position or just a fashion trend? So, here are the 5 reasons why women do not want to have children and choose the childfree life.
1. I do not want to give birth!
Having children is no easy task. And not pleasant ones. No matter what they say about the happiness of motherhood, to endure 9 months of pregnancy, and then the birth itself is a serious test. And for some women, this test seems so terrible and serious that they don’t even want to think about it.
They are so overwhelmed by all sorts of fears (“what if the whole pregnancy will be sick”, “what if the family disfigures my body”, “what if my husband stops loving me / loses his desire and our relationship deteriorates due to the birth of a child”). And many, even despite all the achievements of modern medicine, are afraid to give birth, do not believe in the strength and power of epidural anesthesia and do not want to go through it.
What to do? If a girl chooses to become a childfree solely out of fear, she should contact a good psychotherapist. Not in order for him to convince her, but in order to help get rid of the fears that in any case prevent her from living.
And after psychotherapy sessions, you should listen to yourself and understand: do you still categorically do not want to have a child, or do you want to, but are afraid? If it's the former, then that's your right. And if the latter, then try to talk to mothers who have had both childbirth and pregnancy quite calmly, joyfully and even pleasantly. You need to focus on positive examples. And all will be well!
2. I don't want children!
Many women, having talked with other mothers and their violent offspring, understand that childbirth is not as scary as the children themselves, who need to be raised, educated, etc. Perhaps you don't want to have children because you don't really like children themselves. Noisy, capricious, it seems that they take away all your strength, time, personal space.
Someone is touched by looking at the baby, chewing on his mother's designer bag and hitting his father's expensive phone. And childfrees are horrified by the countless antics of children (or rather, the ways in which children experience the world) and confidently declare: "I don't want to have children."
What to do? Trying to suppress the irritation that children cause is pointless. Forcing yourself to love a child is also difficult. But nevertheless, dislike for children is a symptom that you do not accept the child in yourself.
When was the last time you fooled around, laughed at a stupid joke, did something fun? You seem to be taking life too seriously. Therefore, children with their eternal pranks, stupidities, pranks are deeply unpleasant for you. They do what you don't let yourself do. Try to remember yourself as a child. What did you dream of trying, doing when you were a child?
Try to resurrect some of your childhood joys and dreams, your life will become much brighter and more pleasant. even if you don't stop being a childfree and don't want kids, you'll at least stop hating them so badly.
3. Don't want to have a baby, not the time!
We all have different stages in life. And sometimes women do not want a child, not because they are convinced and born childfree. It's just not the right time to have a baby. Mortgages, loans, rush jobs, lack of relatives ready to help if you give birth to a child, lack of the right man, etc.
When a woman is young (under 25), no one will judge her for not wanting a child yet. But if she is already over 26, and she is still not ready, does not want, does not plan to have children, people are on their guard and write her down as childfree.
What to do? Calmly build your life, plan the creation of a family and the birth of a child when it is convenient for you, and not when society requires it.
4. Happy childfree life
Many childfree people do not want or refuse to have children, not because their life is too difficult without children. On the contrary, childfree are often very successful careerists, emancipated modern women who live happily in a big city, work and make good money, go shopping, drink cocktails with friends, travel 4-6 times a year, collect fans and do not want to lose all these pleasures. In other words, their life is too good to be ruined by children.
What to do? Of course, everyone has the right to live as he pleases. And if cocktails with girlfriends, a slim figure and a prestigious position are your priority, so be it. But it is important to remember that all these pleasures that brighten up the life of a childfree, alas, are short-lived.
Can you live the same fun and carefree life at 40, 50, 60, 70 years old? Are you ready for a lonely old age? We always put off thinking about it until later, but it may be worth being honest with yourself and thinking about unpleasant things now in order to avoid them. And look at mothers like Victoria Beckham? She has four children, she looks amazing, has a successful career, a handsome husband, travels a lot, leads a bright and eventful life.
So, maybe you can have everything at once? Maybe children will not limit you at all, but, on the contrary, will make life even more exciting? Why look up to mothers who, after giving birth, cease to take care of themselves, work, and generally be women? Everyone is the master of his own life!
5. Why don't women want children?
And it happens that a woman herself cannot really understand why she does not want children. She just understands that she does not want to give birth, and then babysit the child. It seems that all the reasons seem insignificant and far-fetched. It seems that there is an opportunity and conditions to give birth. But there is no desire.
And in such cases, the main thing is not to reproach, not to blame yourself and not to force yourself to dream about what you are supposed to dream about. For example, about motherhood. It is much more productive to deal with yourself, preferably under the strict guidance of a psychologist. After all, every woman deserves a full and multifaceted life, in which there is a place for a career and family, and personal life and joint affairs.
And you will definitely achieve such harmony if you are sensitive to your emotions, feelings and needs!
Wife doesn't want a baby
Difficulties in relationships
Wife doesn't want a baby
Every man knows that marriage is for only one purpose: to have children and grow their legacy from them. And the most important purpose of a woman is to give birth to a healthy child. It doesn't matter how many years you live with your wife, it doesn't matter what kind of relationship you have. Until you have children. Your family life is just cohabitation.
Children strengthen the marriage, make you work harder, allow you to spend time together, as well as improve your personal qualities. But times are changing, and now a lot of girls do not want to have children, because they do not see themselves as a mother. What are the reasons for this:
Wife doesn't like kids
Not all girls love children, you need to understand this. Not every woman wants to spend all day washing diapers and cleaning rooms. And then run to put your child to bed for the fifth time. It is necessary to convince the girl that there is nothing to worry about. That she can always count on your support and help. And even more so, when she gives birth to a child, her maternal instincts will turn on, and she herself will run after the baby.
Wife not ready to be a parent
The birth of a child is a great emotional and financial burden on a woman. She may be afraid that she won't be able to handle it. It means that she is not sure about her man, and that he will come to her aid. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you. This means that she believes that you do not earn enough to provide for both her and the child.
Plus, she's insecure about your desire to have a baby. Perhaps you wanted to get a dog, promised that you would walk with her. And when she appeared, you became too busy. Likewise with a child. Women are afraid that you will become too busy. You need to convince your wife of this. You need to show her that you can provide stability, both financial and spiritual.
Wife focused on career
Women have to show great passion for work and cunning in order to achieve the same positions on a par with men. Perhaps the wife has a responsible job or she has frequent business trips. You should not expect her to sacrifice all this in order to have a baby. There is a career now, and a happy family life only flickers in the distance.
So you need to understand the position of your wife. If she is pressed too hard, she can send you and your happy family life. If you do not press at all, she herself can decide on a child very soon. It is better to know exactly how long she will be ready to have children. If the indicated figure does not suit you, most likely this is not your woman.
She is afraid to give birth
It may sound funny, but men don't have children. They don't spend 9 months eating chocolates and running to the bathroom. Men don't get emotionally hurt if they have a miscarriage. And after the birth, you have to worry about your child every day. It's all very scary.
Not all women can take responsibility for their child. You need to convince them that they are already big and adults. And that they will definitely do it. Their mothers are very helpful in this.
Wife is too jealous
It's true that women love to be the center of attention. They love it when men show them signs of attention when they praise them for their great figure and beautiful underwear. When a woman is pregnant, her only job is to carry a healthy baby, and she gets a lot of attention. But when the baby appears, all attention switches to him. And women don't like it. So pay attention to your girlfriend too.
And in order for her to decide to give birth, you should pay attention to pregnant girls. And how pretty they are. Sooner or later, because of jealousy, she will also want to get pregnant.
The wife does not see herself as a mother
To be honest, no girl sees herself as a mother. It is very difficult to imagine someone waking up early in the morning, washing diapers, changing diapers, heating milk and pouring it into a bottle. Educational films or a book can help with this. As well as the experience of girls with children and the stories of parents.
Medical contraindications
Sometimes women have genetic abnormalities that can show up in their children. And the fear of giving birth to a sick child is quite huge. And that's why women don't even want to think about having children.
Sometimes poor health can be the reason why a girl should not have children. Because she could put her life at risk. A woman cannot be judged for this, because if she decides to become pregnant, then she actually defies fate itself. Which is already difficult enough.
You should contact your doctors for medical help and advice in order to know in advance about the possible consequences. This is what can give your wife the desire to have a child.
Results
Every woman has her own reasons for not having children. They may be insignificant for you, but very significant for a girl. And this must be respected. the best way to convince his wife to give birth to a child, to defeat her fear of the unknown with her. And how to do it, it's up to you, men.
Dear readers! We will be very grateful if you share with us your life experience or comments related to this topic.
This will help:
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Type:Electronic book
Price: Paid version
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Short description
Every relationship sooner or later comes to a standstill, when only one option is visible - to leave. And it depends only on the competent actions of a man whether he can save the relationship, or whether he will have to let go of his woman. The problem of many men is that they do not know how to behave in order for a woman to be pleased with them. And in this book, we will teach men how to behave so that relationships never deteriorate.
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