"She Can't Afford a Baby" or Why Women Don't Want to Have a Baby. Why does the wife not want children and what to do about it? What does it mean if a woman does not want children
- career is worth it!
- children - what use are they?
03.03.2017, 15:34 #1
03.03.2017, 16:32 #2
Posted by True Lies
So don't risk it.
04.03.2017, 01:15 #3
04.03.2017, 02:29 #4
Message from Sheriff
04.03.2017, 12:46 #5
04.03.2017, 16:01 #6
04.03.2017, 16:12 #7
Posted by True Lies
06.03.2017, 01:15 #8
06.03.2017, 01:31 #9
A message from Afina
Added - - -
06.03.2017, 01:35 #10
psyforum.org
Topic: Why do some women not want to have children?
- - fear of childbirth. Fear of pain, complications, bad experience with relatives, "terrible" stories from friends, films seen enough
- - Career first! (study, work) - and then you can take on the children
- - now there are no conditions (money, housing, stability in the country)
- What about young life? First, to travel around the world, at least, and not mentally ready
- - a man does not want (does not marry or is against)
- - philosophical reflections. Everyone, like, says that family comes first. And I'm not a gestation machine! I want to give birth! Until then, stay away!
- - there is no suitable father candidate
- I don't like children. Children are nasty, yelling, climbing everywhere, disturbing order, disobeying and being rude
- too much time is spent on children, which is not
- career is worth it!
- unable to be a good mother, have no maternal instinct
- my figure is too dear to me! Everything will have to start over
- children - what use are they?
- first the children, then the housewife at the stove and sink! I don't live for this. This is the way to become a maid to a man
- a child will change your whole life! You will never belong to yourself!
- Sheriff (03.03.2017),Afina (04.03.2017)
03.03.2017, 15:34 #1
It would seem that all the conditions exist: a loving husband, an apartment, income, education, age - but a woman does not want to have children. The husband wants, grandparents are waiting - but the woman does not want ... Well, or a similar situation. What to do? And do you need to do something? Probably, such women can be divided into those who understand that somehow or someday they should have children. Another part of the women believes that children in her life are not required at all - which means that nothing needs to be done about it. What drives women from the first group?
I would like to remind those who are “wavering” that there are so many women on the planet with children (and even with two or four) with a beautiful figure, an enviable career, who earn good money, who are successful everywhere and have traveled all over the world!
Last edited by True Lies; 03/03/2017 at 15:38.
03.03.2017, 16:32 #2
Posted by True Lies
It would seem that all the conditions exist: a loving husband, an apartment, income, education, age - but a woman does not want to have children.
Haven't come across this. I met that she was lonely, but she was afraid to give birth for herself, or they pulled, pulled, they didn’t go to the doctors, as a result, there are no children. And if a man, purely theoretically, can become a father even at the age of 70, then it is more difficult for a woman.
So don't risk it.
04.03.2017, 01:15 #3
Some people don't want change in their lives. They have already developed their own way of life, and the only thing that can be accurately predicted with children is the eternal mess. Well, if they want to take care of the children, then there are probably brothers and sisters with many children. It's easier, I played with someone else's child and went to my quiet and comfortable apartment, where no one paints the cat and does not wash my father's phone in the toilet.
04.03.2017, 02:29 #4
Message from Sheriff
Haven't come across this. I met that she was lonely, but she was afraid to give birth for herself, or they pulled, pulled, they didn’t go to the doctors, as a result, there are no children.
Well, most of these cases. Ordinary human causes, the result of fears, mistakes or unfortunate life circumstances. There are much fewer unique people who have "anti-childish" theories. Even Wikipedia has an article about childfree - "a life position characterized by a conscious reluctance to have children." Further it is written that these are not those who postponed or were late. And not even those who are childheit - deto-haters (and there are such, it turns out!). This naturally came from the beacon of democracy - the term of the 70s, and the emancipated childfree movement - from the 90s. The scientific explanation of the phenomenon - Reproductive impotence - is the unwillingness or inability to have children, due to the inability to implement certain types of reproductive actions. That is, the very inharmonious development of the personality, which was written above. In the United States, there are up to 25% of followers of the Childfree movement - which you don’t want to believe. This is probably the case when supporters of traditional views and supporters of life without children cannot be reconciled.
04.03.2017, 12:46 #5
Those who do not want to have children are crazy! How can you not want to continue your family? And people pull for different reasons. Most often, they are simply not sure of their chosen one or simply do not have one. Or some other reasons, everyone has their own. But stalling doesn't mean you don't want to. And if you deliberately refuse parenthood - this is not normal. And the reason may be a psychological trauma from childhood.
04.03.2017, 16:01 #6
Seviliya, well, there is such a phenomenon. In our country it looks like the result of a childhood trauma, but in the West it is a whole movement. I read that in the US, white women in this movement have the largest percentage. That is such a product of civilization. So far, this has not been presented to us, and we would not want to. It is clear that when a girl grew up in a "difficult" family, in adulthood she may have problems in order to start a family of her own. But sometimes it seems that selfishness is to blame. Today, the youngest child in the House of Culture danced at a concert. Almost most of the day was spent on: bringing, dressing, combing, feeding, warming up, taking seats in the hall, waiting for the performance, then warming up again, feeding, waiting for the awards, changing clothes, handing in costumes ... All for the sake of five minutes of happiness - a dance that rehearsed for six months.
04.03.2017, 16:12 #7
Posted by True Lies
All for the sake of five minutes of happiness - a dance that was rehearsed for six months.
But impressions - for a year! And for the sake of these five minutes, everything else is worth doing.
06.03.2017, 01:15 #8
It turns out that childfrees are also divided into several categories: rejectors are those who do not like children; affecionados are those who are simply fine without children. childheit - hating children.
The last, rather the result of the behavior of some YAZHEMATEREY, well, you know what I mean. They let the kids do whatever they want. Yelling, pestering others, even kicking them with their feet. They are children, they can. And mothers have the idea of free education of the individual, without prohibitions for children.
06.03.2017, 01:31 #9
A message from Afina
The last, rather the result of the behavior of some YAZHEMATEREY, well, you know what I mean.
Afina, adequate people understand that an ill-bred child is the result of under-education. My parents on the train get annoyed when children run around the car, look into strangers' compartments, yell and so on, but they did not become detonaters. They condemn mothers who do not take care of children. A message from Afina
And mothers have the idea of free education of the individual, without prohibitions for children.
No, this is a fashionable excuse, an excuse for your laziness.
Added - - -
A message from Afina The rejectors are the ones that kids don't like; affecionados are those who are simply fine without children.
childheit - hating children.
This means that insanity grew stronger ...
06.03.2017, 01:35 #10
Perhaps these are those who were the only child in the family. He had neither a cat nor a dog, and his parents did not give him the opportunity to take care of someone, to love someone weak. They just don't understand how it's done. A child for them is a kind of alien, whose presence nearby causes discomfort. Pity them? I dont know. If they are happy and so, then so be it, you will not fertilize them by force.
psyforum.org
Psychology why a woman does not want children
5 reasons why women choose not to have children.
Once upon a time, childfree was a fashionable, but unfamiliar word. Women who openly admitted that they did not want to have children and did not plan to have a child were considered at best strange and unnatural, and at worst stigmatized.
However, condemning is a pointless and unpromising undertaking. It is much more interesting to understand why women do not want children. Is "childfree" a principled life position or just a fashion trend? So, here are the 5 reasons why women do not want to have children and choose the childfree life.
1. I do not want to give birth!
Having children is no easy task. And not pleasant ones. No matter what they say about the happiness of motherhood, to endure 9 months of pregnancy, and then the birth itself is a serious test. And for some women, this test seems so terrible and serious that they don’t even want to think about it.
They are so overwhelmed by all sorts of fears (“what if the whole pregnancy will be sick”, “what if the family disfigures my body”, “what if my husband stops loving me / loses his desire and our relationship deteriorates due to the birth of a child”). And many, even despite all the achievements of modern medicine, are afraid to give birth, do not believe in the strength and power of epidural anesthesia and do not want to go through it.
What to do? If a girl chooses to become a childfree solely out of fear, she should contact a good psychotherapist. Not in order for him to convince her, but in order to help get rid of the fears that in any case prevent her from living.
And after psychotherapy sessions, you should listen to yourself and understand: do you still categorically do not want to have a child, or do you want to, but are afraid? If it's the former, then that's your right. And if the latter, then try to talk to mothers who have had both childbirth and pregnancy quite calmly, joyfully and even pleasantly. You need to focus on positive examples. And all will be well!
2. I don't want children!
Many women, having talked with other mothers and their violent offspring, understand that childbirth is not as scary as the children themselves, who need to be raised, educated, etc. Perhaps you don't want to have children because you don't really like children themselves. Noisy, capricious, it seems that they take away all your strength, time, personal space.
Someone is touched by looking at the baby, chewing on his mother's designer bag and hitting his father's expensive phone. And childfrees are horrified by the countless antics of children (or rather, the ways in which children experience the world) and confidently declare: "I don't want to have children."
What to do? Trying to suppress the irritation that children cause is pointless. Forcing yourself to love a child is also difficult. But nevertheless, dislike for children is a symptom that you do not accept the child in yourself.
When was the last time you fooled around, laughed at a stupid joke, did something fun? You seem to be taking life too seriously. Therefore, children with their eternal pranks, stupidities, pranks are deeply unpleasant for you. They do what you don't let yourself do. Try to remember yourself as a child. What did you dream of trying, doing when you were a child?
Try to resurrect some of your childhood joys and dreams, your life will become much brighter and more pleasant. even if you don't stop being a childfree and don't want kids, you'll at least stop hating them so badly.
3. Don't want to have a baby, not the time!
We all have different stages in life. And sometimes women do not want a child, not because they are convinced and born childfree. It's just not the right time to have a baby. Mortgages, loans, rush jobs, lack of relatives ready to help if you give birth to a child, lack of the right man, etc.
When a woman is young (under 25), no one will judge her for not wanting a child yet. But if she is already over 26, and she is still not ready, does not want, does not plan to have children, people are on their guard and write her down as childfree.
What to do? Calmly build your life, plan the creation of a family and the birth of a child when it is convenient for you, and not when society requires it.
4. Happy childfree life
Many childfree people do not want or refuse to have children, not because their life is too difficult without children. On the contrary, childfree are often very successful careerists, emancipated modern women who live happily in a big city, work and make good money, go shopping, drink cocktails with friends, travel 4-6 times a year, collect fans and do not want to lose all these pleasures. In other words, their life is too good to be ruined by children.
What to do? Of course, everyone has the right to live as he pleases. And if cocktails with girlfriends, a slim figure and a prestigious position are your priority, so be it. But it is important to remember that all these pleasures that brighten up the life of a childfree, alas, are short-lived.
Can you live the same fun and carefree life at 40, 50, 60, 70 years old? Are you ready for a lonely old age? We always put off thinking about it until later, but it may be worth being honest with yourself and thinking about unpleasant things now in order to avoid them. And look at mothers like Victoria Beckham? She has four children, she looks amazing, has a successful career, a handsome husband, travels a lot, leads a bright and eventful life.
So, maybe you can have everything at once? Maybe children will not limit you at all, but, on the contrary, will make life even more exciting? Why look up to mothers who, after giving birth, cease to take care of themselves, work, and generally be women? Everyone is the master of his own life!
5. Why don't women want children?
And it happens that a woman herself cannot really understand why she does not want children. She just understands that she does not want to give birth, and then babysit the child. It seems that all the reasons seem insignificant and far-fetched. It seems that there is an opportunity and conditions to give birth. But there is no desire.
And in such cases, the main thing is not to reproach, not to blame yourself and not to force yourself to dream about what you are supposed to dream about. For example, about motherhood. It is much more productive to deal with yourself, preferably under the strict guidance of a psychologist. After all, every woman deserves a full and multifaceted life, in which there is a place for a career and family, and personal life and joint affairs.
And you will definitely achieve such harmony if you are sensitive to your emotions, feelings and needs!
We understand why so many girls would like to have a baby. Sometime later.
It seems to be our basic instinct. And the biological clock is ticking. And the holy joy of motherhood is promoted on TV. Why is it that such a huge number of women in the reproductive phase itself endlessly postpone the appearance of their first child, preferably as far as possible? (The second and third children are most often not even discussed.) Why, looking into their souls in search of an answer to the most important female question, they so often hear: “Thank you very much, but, perhaps, no. At least not now!”
A banal answer to this question would be a sermon about moral decay, consumer society, selfishness, atheism, and so on and so forth.
In fact, everything that happens is completely logical and, moreover, justified.
Do squirrels have abortions?
More than two thousand years ago, Ovid reproached women who have abortions for being "worse than wild animals." 660 years ago, Boccaccio in The Crow poured a tub of slop on the ladies of his day, calling them “the lowest of females” - on the grounds that all other little animals gently nurture their cubs and only human females poison the fetus in their womb in unnatural ways, “so that in all Italy you will not find an unpeeled juniper (the bark of which they use in this lousy business).
The opinion that abortion and contraceptives are the meanest invention of mankind is still a banal statement and, as is often the case with platitudes, is incorrect. Animals also effectively control their birth rate. True, they do not know how to do abortions, so another scheme works for them - unwanted offspring are either abandoned or eaten right at the time of birth.
To understand why this happens, we need to carefully consider several principles of the so-called "population dynamics".
There is an interesting theory about this. According to it, all species living on our planet use one of two population strategies: the r-strategy and the K-strategy. "R-strategy" is almost unregulated reproduction. Having barely reached puberty, the females of these species begin to produce offspring almost non-stop without regard to external conditions, the availability of food, warmth, space and other resources necessary for the survival of this offspring. Species that practice this strategy include bacteria, most insects, fish, cephalopods, and even some mammals, such as some rodents. The mortality of offspring in such species is enormous, but nevertheless, even it does not save the population from excessive growth, and therefore species practicing the r-strategy have to go through standard procedure: population explosion, collapse, stabilization.
As soon as the concentration of the species becomes excessive, the food base begins to suffer, infections spread, panic mechanisms turn on - there are many options for collapses. But all of them lead to the total destruction of most of the animals included in this population. Lemmings rushing in droves into the sea, or locusts littering the southern cities with their dying bodies, are the most famous examples of such collapses. After the collapses, there is a period of relatively favorable stabilization, when again you can multiply with impunity. Then everything repeats again.
"K-strategy" is followed by almost all large mammals and most species of birds. This strategy forces the species to control its numbers on its own in various ways. The two most popular are abstinence and homicide.
Abstinence is usually chosen by solitary animals, such as tigers, badgers, finches, bears, or, say, tundra wolves. Such species are characterized by the presence of their own "hunting grounds" - a territory that is controlled by one male or a married couple. Young animals that have not yet found a place for themselves are forced to adhere to celibacy. The method of destroying unwanted offspring is more inherent in flock and herd animals. In this case, shortly before giving birth, the mechanism of “population check” is activated in females. If the abundance of the bodies of relatives around causes her concern, if she cannot find high-quality food for herself, if she evaluates the conditions for raising cubs as unfavorable, the chances that the mother will not devour the cubs or leave them to their fate are very low. (This is well known to zookeepers, who are forced to take special security measures at the time of pregnancy of females with a K-strategy - transfer them to closed enclosures, protect visitors from attention, etc.)
It should also be added here that the K-strategy is not a panacea - if for some reason it does not work, then the standard tragedy of "explosion-collapse-stabilization" comprehends the view with the K-strategy.
Both the queen and the offspring
Yes, over the past 100 years, humanity (despite the two world wars) has quadrupled its population - due to the pharmaceutical, agricultural and food revolutions. In other words, people are living longer. But where there is large-scale urbanization and the bulk of the population moves to large cities, there is an instant stabilization of the birth rate growth, followed by its extinction. As a result, almost all of Europe, the USA, Russia and Japan have shown only a natural population decline in recent decades.
Of course, all people are different, and not everyone falls under the fertile press of megacities. Some time ago, for some reason, the following simple picture was very popular on the Internet. It depicts a city divided into two halves - sunny and shady. Where there is shade, there are clogged garbage cans, skyscrapers, beer cans and cigarette butts on the sidewalks. The building with the sign "Family Planning Center" predatory grins at the viewer with ominous windows, and in front of it stands a girl who has just got out of the "Ferrari" in a short top with the inscription "Sex". And with a strange expression, this victim of twilight looks at the sunny part, where there is greenery, where there is a church, wooden houses, where there are birds on the fences along the sidewalk, along which a ruddy pullet in a headscarf paces - with four red-cheeked children. In general, painting from the category “Women, change your mind, let's be modest and give birth!”
But the artist, guided by the best of intentions, overdid it. His drawing turned out too truthful. Yes, it so happened that a huge part of the population voluntarily cedes to others its most important biological right - to be fruitful and multiply. Receiving in return T-shirts, cars and such an indisputable joy as free sex. And also the opportunity to spend the day - in a stuffy office, the evening - in the flea market of a nightclub, and the night - in a cell on the eleventh floor, surrounded by hundreds of other sleeping bodies. And they also pay taxes in favor of those who serenely fill this world with their chromosomes, sometimes receiving very decent government subsidies for this.
For some reason, this kind of behavior is called selfish and selfish - a blatant injustice! Although, in general, mothers of many children, carefully nurturing their offspring, should say a huge “thank you” to those girls in tops who, God forbid, will have one child by the age of forty. It is thanks to them that the children of mothers with many children have cheap milk, free education and the opportunity not to end up in a trench at the age of 18 in one of the wars that radically solve the problem of overpopulation...
A liberal society allows those who want to have children to give birth, and does not prevent those who, having fallen under the yoke of the K-strategy, do not see such a need for children to lead a barren and lonely life.
In men
By the way, not only women are carriers and executors of the K-strategy. As far back as 50 years ago, ethologist (the so-called scientists involved in animal psychology) Konrad Lorenz published an article about the homosexual behavior of male laboratory mice in conditions of overpopulation. Since then, sexual dysfunction in animals living too crowded has been recorded many times. As well as "paternal cannibalism", "increased aggressiveness of the young" and other non-standard.
Homosexuality is, in this respect, one of the variations of the K-strategy. The other - "preference for immature sexual partners" - is already much less acceptable in human society. Is not it?
It is unlikely that we will welcome the attacks of panic madness, forcing males to kill without purpose and without meaning all members of their species, to which he managed to reach. But this is still the same K-strategy ... Although it has softer methods. For example, a complete lack of interest in sexual practice in general, asociality and apathy.
Private conclusions
What to do? All the cafes I've been to are filled with girls telling each other how badly they want a baby, and then they go to the pharmacy and buy a new batch of birth control pills. Or condoms. Because those with whom they are now sleeping are not yet ready to become full-fledged fathers of offspring. But if you think about it, who even now asks a man if he is ready or not ?! A girl with an education will feed her children perfectly herself. She says she wants to start a family first? So a child is a family, it’s not for nothing that most marriages in Russia are still made “by flight”, and relatives are very surprised if they come to a wedding where the bride is not pregnant.
If you delve into the psychology of girls in a cafe, it turns out that what they want for their potential children is not so much a reliable father as space. If you live in a big city, in a high-rise building, ride public transport, work for a big company, watch TV and see at least a thousand new human faces a day, you are almost 100% included in the K-strategy program, even if you are monstrously far from child-free ideology.
You will look for excuses for yourself. Say that you have the next two years - the most important for your career. That, as long as there are not enough funds for a good English school, only a mad woman can decide to give birth. That you need to live a little more for yourself ... But all this really does not matter. Those who want a child just need to write down a list of all these contraindications, carefully flush it down the toilet and send birth control pills there. And then be patient.
The best way to spend money is to book a private room in a good maternity hospital, where you and your baby will be looked after all the time. Arrange a tantrum - they will give a pill. If you don’t want to feed, they will send an aunt who massages her breasts. The maternity hospital is such an impromptu village that will temporarily turn you off from your usual urban environment. By the way, postpartum depression most often manifests itself when a happy mother with a child finally gets home, and then a bunch of friends arrive who have to endlessly brew tea, and at the same time the phone starts to break: “How is baby? How much does it weigh? How are you? Oh, by the way, do you remember where the file of our contracts is?
But this is all temporary. Maximum before childbirth plus 3-4 months (usually everything ends much earlier). As soon as the “stage of choosing reproductive behavior” is passed and the K-strategy gives up on you, an equally ancient and powerful instinct will come into its legal rights - the instinct of boundless love for your offspring.
1 6 241 1
You can want a creme brulee or a casserole with prunes, and a child is not just wanting, not wanting. This is not even responsibility, but a completely different dimension and parallel reality. What does it take for a woman to want to have a baby? There are literally several options, since the desire to have a child was laid down by nature itself even before birth, when it formed the eggs in the baby. Nature has laid in a woman the desire to want a child. What if she doesn't want him? The main reasons and solutions will be discussed later in the article.
Doesn't want to have a child with this man
Lawless Heart. When a woman meets her man, even for the first time, she immediately imagines common children and joint old age. Then they start dating, and she terribly wants the baby to have eyes like dad, and a nose like mom.
If a woman does not have a desire to have a child from this man, then this is not her man.
And that's it! It is impossible for her to want a child from such a man. Yes, she can give birth to a baby and then love him endlessly, but initially want to get pregnant - alas.
What does it take to want?
Just meet your man, and immediately there will be a desire to rush around the joint “garden” with him and wait for your grandchildren to visit. What can I say for children...
Don't want right now
One hits a career, the second wants to get a higher education, the third first buy an apartment, and the fourth just recently gave birth.
If this is her man, then she wants, but after some time.
This is a temporary stretch. Of course, other reasons may overlap, for example, insecurity in a man, but more on that below.
What does it take to want?
A woman needs to prioritize correctly and know that there are only 400 eggs, and every month there are fewer and fewer of them. Remember that her health is wasted, the years go by, and you can graduate from higher education in retirement. Everything is possible in retirement, only children can no longer be born.
She is scared
There can be a lot of fears, from banal epidural anesthesia to extra pounds of weight. The following are the two main ones:
- Can't bear the fear. A woman can read about bad pregnancy outcomes on the Internet, be friends with girls who have suffered grief in motherhood, or know facts from her family about something terrible. Fear not to endure, to give birth to a premature, dead (pah-pah). It can even stop you from wanting to "want" a baby. In principle, a woman would really like it if she knew that you just need to be a good girl and then the stork will bring the long-awaited, and most importantly, healthy child to her upbringing. But nature is such that 9 months under your heart cannot be canceled. Of course, you can try surrogate motherhood and adopt, but your own is your own.
What does it take to want?
Start Let all bad situations and knowledge of other people's bitter fates repel from your protective field, and never penetrate into the subconscious. Everything will be ok! Remember this. Is always! Your baby will definitely be born strong and healthy. After all, he has already chosen you. Remember - all children are born.
It is believed that babies live in heaven and choose their parents. And if you are pregnant, then the one who exists has already chosen you, just while he is in another dimension, which will soon become yours.
- Fear of losing shape. And how to survive? Before that, it was 90-60-90, but it will become “meter-meter-meter - where will we make the waist?”. And if the darling falls out of love? Married to a princess, but will have to live with Shrek?
What does it take to want?
Doesn't trust a man
A woman can choose a man and be sure that he is the chosen one. Yes, but she is not chosen by him. In such a situation, a woman can squeeze love out of her boyfriend, and prove to her heart that this is a prince. Only the heart cannot be deceived.
No confidence in a guy? So it's just not for you. There is no love without trust and fidelity.
What does it take to want?
There is no certainty that he will sit with the baby, spin around to earn money for his family and so on? Then why do you need a drone? Who will sit with a bottle of beer and yell at a football match when you wash, clean, swaddle ... If you are not sure, then listen to yourself more often. If this is true distrust, then you need to want a child from another man.
She punishes him
This one follows smoothly from the previous point. When a woman scares her man with distrust. Like, you and this, you and that, well, where are the children from you?
What does it take to want?
Again, look into your heart, if you are sure that you are building a grimace of "distrust" to push him to great things, then stop, you are overacting.
She is "childfree"
A cool word, to which progress progress will not come to justify a parasitic lifestyle. Although on the other hand, there are really people without maternal and paternal instincts. And if they don't want children, then thank God. Otherwise, they still would not have a baby, since a child living in heaven would never choose such parents for himself.
The maternal instinct of a woman did not allow humanity to disappear as a species. For the sake of her child, a woman can do everything: both possible and impossible. However, there are women who have clearly indicated their attitude to motherhood - I do not want to have children.
The majority of society has a negative attitude towards such women. And for some families, this is a real disaster, because the husband cannot understand why his wife does not want children. And the marriage begins to crack at the seams. And every mother wants her daughter to successfully marry, give birth to a child and live a full life. So why don't women want children?
I do not want to give birth: 10 reasons
This problem is not new in our society and psychologists have sorted it out almost completely. And based on their scientific research, they identified 10 main reasons why a girl does not want to have children:
- Financial situation. It's good when love leads to the fact that a couple creates a family. But this is not always a financially secure family. We are not talking about families below the poverty line. It is likely that both the husband and the wife earn normally, and the two of them have enough to live on. But from the point of view of the latter, it is not enough to have a child. Such a cause is easy to eliminate if you make some effort, which is why psychologists consider it the most easily solved.
- Maternal instinct at zero. According to psychologists, 7% of women do not have an innate maternal instinct. And here it is clear why the girl does not see the point in having a child. But this does not mean that she will not want to start a family and live in love with her couple.
- Business woman. Often, when everything is ready for the birth of a child in the female body, the woman has an active career growth. And on the altar of a career lay down a refusal to have children during this period. Later, this develops into a habit, and when a woman decides to give birth, it may be too late, from a physiological point of view. But she can use the services of a surrogate mother and become a happy mother to her baby, or this issue can be resolved by adoption. There is always a way out.
- Education: a heavy burden. There is an opinion among some ladies that raising a child is not only an unfamiliar path, but also incredibly difficult. There is no desire to comprehend new knowledge, but to educate them anyhow they do not want, which provokes the refusal to procreate. This responsibility could be assumed by the husband, but men rarely have the desire to take on such a burden. But as life has shown, all the necessary skills to properly raise a child come already in the process of education.
- Pain: panic terror. More than 15% of women who deliberately refuse to give birth to children are those who are terribly afraid of labor pain. It is very difficult to convince them, because such a fear is almost irrational, and in order to overcome it, you need a qualified psychologist who will provide the necessary assistance.
- Responsibility and fear. More than 8% of women who consciously entered the child-free category are afraid not only of responsibility for the unborn child, but also that this child may be born with defects. And not everyone can handle them.
- Partner: distrust or lack thereof. A woman may have a husband or partner who tells her “I love you”, but she does not have confidence in him. And not in terms of love and attitude towards her, but in his paternal instinct and help in raising a child. And here there will be either a categorical refusal, in general, from children, or the expectation of someone with whom it will not be scary to give birth.
- Psychological problems. If a woman has a negative attitude towards the world as a whole, does not see her future in it and is depressed, then there is no question of giving birth at all. Moreover, psychologists are very categorical in this matter: first you need to solve your problems, and then start a family and children.
- Ungrateful children. Most often, an example of such an argument in terms of refusing motherhood is a personal example. And as a rule, this is negative communication with their parents in general. And a mother in particular. After all, it is she who lays the foundation of motherhood, which the daughter will transfer into adulthood. Psychologists say that it is not normal to expect gratitude from children, in general, because this will not only create the basis for future disappointments, but also injure not only you, but also the child.
- I'm an egoist. Starting a family, giving birth to a child is always a certain self-sacrifice. You can’t do what you want, especially in the first year of a baby’s life. And this is often the main reason for the rejection of motherhood. Why create a burden for yourself when you can live the way you want and do whatever you want. This is what most of today's young people think, and they don't even think that it is possible to live a full life with children.
Child-free daughter: what should a mother do?
A mother always worries about her daughter. And even more anxiety brings the news that the daughter does not want to give birth, and not specifically now, but in general. Her desire to live for herself is understandable, but the mother cannot understand how her daughter could want this on a permanent basis. Often this becomes a cause for quarrels. And if nothing is done, then they cannot be avoided.
The first thing the mother should understand is that the situation is not without a way out. We are looking for the cause and we are doing our best to eliminate it. In most cases, your mother's love can turn not only mountains, but also her daughter from the wrong path.
- If the reason for refusing motherhood is the usual youth egoism, you should not worry, even when your daughter screams "I know how I feel better." Let your daughter enjoy freedom to the fullest. But even in this free life, turning points happen: strong love, the first love, marriage, the result of which, one way or another, will be the birth of a baby. After all, what could be better than giving your beloved a child - the fruit of their love. Therefore, mothers in this case just need to wait a bit until they are pleased with their grandchildren.
- If the reluctance to give birth is associated with the absence of a permanent partner in the life of the daughter, then the mother should also think about it. Why force a daughter to become a single mother? When that same man appears in her life, your daughter will change her mind.
- But it is necessary to pay close attention to the daughter’s fear of labor pain and help her overcome it. And banal: I survived, and you will not survive here enough. The best solution is to find a qualified psychologist to help your girl deal with that problem. Perhaps he will recommend special courses, do not leave your daughter alone. Better go with her. Such support will not pass without a trace and will help her win to defeat her fears.
- When it comes to a career, you need to understand that sooner or later your daughter will reach the desired heights and she will unbearably want not only a family, but also to know the joy of motherhood. And, most likely, she will make no less effort for this than when reaching career heights.
- If your child does not experience maternal instinct, then such a case can rightfully be called the most difficult. Your daughter does not see the meaning and joy in family chores associated with children. At the same time, she can live in marriage and be quite happy. And in this situation, nothing can be done. There is a chance that some event in her life can radically change her views, but you need to understand that this chance is negligible. And, most likely, you just need to come to terms with the choice of the child.
Child-free wife: what should a husband do?
Everything is normal in a family - this is when a husband and wife mutually want to have children. And if it is the refusal of a man to replenish the family - this is a frequent occurrence, then similar actions of the wife put the husband to a standstill. Although it is this position that must be determined even before entering into a legal marriage. This is what all psychologists insist on. After all, wanting or not wanting children is the individual desire of every adult. And if this happened, then there is a mutual deception, but is it possible to create a family from deception?
And here the husband must determine what exactly caused such a categorical refusal of motherhood from his wife. Most often there are only 2 reasons:
- Not related to it, namely: personal fears, lack of maternal instinct, negative personal example, etc.
- Associated with him: the wife’s insecurity in you, unwillingness to give birth from you, material difficulties, etc.
Reasons not related to you are partially amenable to adjustment, and then on condition that you make a lot of efforts for this. It is not easy to do everything to change the mind of the spouse, but also to sincerely want it yourself. But if the reasons are connected personally with you, you need to understand whether you can change something.
If we are talking about distrust or lack of love, and, possibly, love for another man, then nothing can be changed. It's easier to break up and not ruin each other's lives. Of course, you can try to change, but for mature personalities, this is not easy and rarely ends in success. After all, changing something in yourself requires incredible effort, which rarely brings joy.
You need to understand that your wife is a mature and self-sterile personality. And to put pressure on her with the requirement to give birth urgently is not normal. In fact, this is violence, which is absolutely excluded in family relationships. Such a marriage will never be happy. Therefore, a man has only 3 ways:
- Accept your wife's desire to live without children and save the family.
- Try to convince her otherwise, only if possible.
- To break relations.
How this decision will be depends on many factors and in each situation everything is individual. But before accepting it, you need to contact a psychologist, who knows, maybe he can fix everything. And, most importantly, it will help you understand how much you yourself need a child and whether this is just a whim. After all, this may well be, because for the most part, it is men who do not experience maternal instinct and a thirst for caring for the baby.
You need to understand how you see yourself in a life in which there is a child. This is a full participation in his upbringing, and not just an evening kiss, the words I love you and an hour of spending time together. In fact, it is the woman who provides complete care for the baby, and this is a lot of work. So, why should this weight be only on women's shoulders?
Do you know why it is the woman who is saved during childbirth in a critical situation? Because a child left without a mother will either be in the care of the state in an orphanage, or with a caring grandmother, if there is one. A man will not take on such a responsibility. The reverse is very rare.
So, why are you surprised that a woman in our emancipated society refuses motherhood? She has long taken on many male responsibilities and leads a completely independent lifestyle. But only motherhood can give her that incomparable love that children give. could be the best?
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