Why not live for the sake of children. The fate of children whose parents decided that they would live only “for their sake. Life after divorce and the attitude of parents to the child

Every parent knows that for the full development and psychological health of the child, first of all, a favorable environment in a complete and friendly family is needed. The baby must be raised by mom and dad.

But it happens that the fire of love between parents is extinguished by a sudden wind of change, and life together becomes a burden for both. In such a situation, it is the child who suffers the most. How to be? Step on your throat and save the relationship, continuing to sharpen your teeth on your unloved husband? Is it worth it to live with a husband for the sake of a child? Or get a divorce and not torment each other?

Reasons why women keep the family for the sake of the child

• common property(apartment, car, etc.). Feelings faded, there was almost nothing left in common. In addition to the child and property. And there is absolutely no desire to share a summer house or an apartment. The material prevails over the feelings, interests of the child and common sense.
• Nowhere to go This reason becomes the main one in many cases. I don't have my own home, and there's nothing to rent. So we have to put up with the situation, continuing to quietly hate each other.
• Money. The loss of a source of money for some women is tantamount to death. Someone cannot work (there is no one to leave the child), someone does not want to (having got used to a well-fed quiet life), it is not possible for someone to find a job. And the child needs to be fed and clothed.
• Fear of loneliness. The stereotype - no one needs a divorced woman with a "tail" - is firmly planted in many women's heads. Often in a divorce, you can lose friends in addition to the second half.
• Reluctance to raise a child in an incomplete family.“At least what, but the father”, “A child should have a happy childhood”, etc.

Why do women not want to keep a family, even for the sake of a child?

• Desire to become independent.
• Tired of quarrels and quiet hatred.
• “If love is dead, then there is no point in torturing yourself.”
• “The child will be much more comfortable if he is not a constant witness to quarrels.”

No matter how women dream of eternal love, but, alas, it happens - once waking up, a woman realizes that next to her is a complete stranger. It doesn't matter why it happened. Love leaves for many reasons - resentment, betrayal, just a loss of interest in your once beloved half. It's important to know what to do with it. How to be? Living for the kids? Not everyone has enough worldly wisdom. Not everyone is able to maintain peace and friendly relations with her spouse. As a rule, one burns bridges and leaves forever, the other endures and cries into the pillow at night. What to do to change the situation?

• Does it make sense to endure humiliation for the sake of financial well-being? There is always an option - to weigh, consider, soberly assess the situation. How much do you lose if you leave? Of course, you will have to plan the budget on your own, and you can’t cope without work, but isn’t this a reason to become independent? Do not depend on an unloved husband. Let there be less money, but for the sake of it you won’t have to listen to the reproaches of a person who is already a stranger to you and prolong your torment from day to day.
• Of course, a child needs a complete family. But we assume, and the sky disposes. And if feelings have died, and the child has to see his father only on weekends (or even less often) - this is not a tragedy. The task of education is quite feasible in such a small family. The main thing is the mother's confidence in her abilities and, if possible, maintaining friendly relations with her husband.
• Rarely, the preservation of the family for the sake of the child allows you to create comfortable conditions for him. Children feel the atmosphere in the family very sensitively. And life for a baby in a family where quarrels or hatred absorb parents will not be favorable. Such a life has no prospects and joy. Moreover, the crippled psyche of the baby and a bunch of complexes can become the consequences. And there is no need to talk about warm childhood memories.
• Why silently hate each other? You can always talk, come to a balanced unanimous decision. It is impossible to solve the problem by quarrels and swearing. To begin, you can discuss your problems, replacing emotions with meaningful arguments. Recognition is better than silence in any case. And if you don’t completely glue the family boat broken by everyday life, then, again, peacefully and calmly, you can come to a unanimous decision - how to live on.
• Who said there is no life after divorce? Who said that only loneliness awaits there? According to statistics, a woman with a child marries very quickly. A child is not a hindrance to new love, and the second marriage often becomes much stronger than the first.

Steps to save a family for a child

The role of a woman in the family, as a more flexible psychological partner, will always be decisive. A woman is able to forgive, move away from negativity and be the engine of "progress" in the family. What to do if the relationship has cooled, but you can still save the family?

• Change your environment drastically. Take care of each other again. Experience the joy of new sensations together.
• More interested in the second half. A man after birth often remains on the sidelines - forgotten and misunderstood. Try to take his place. Maybe he was just tired of being unnecessary?
• Be honest with each other. Do not accumulate your grievances - they can carry both of you later, like an avalanche. If there are complaints and questions, they should be discussed immediately. There is nothing without trust.

Joint life is impossible - what to do next?

If the relationship is not saved, and all attempts to improve them are broken against a wall of misunderstanding and anger, the best option- break up, maintaining normal human relations.

• There is no point in lying to the child that everything is fine. He sees everything himself.
• It makes no sense to lie to yourself - they say, everything will work out. If the family has a chance, then parting will only benefit.
• You can not allow psychological trauma for your child. He needs calm parents who are satisfied with life and self-sufficient.
• It is unlikely that a child will say thank you for the years lived in an atmosphere of hatred. He does not need such sacrifices. He needs love. And she doesn't live where people hate each other.
• Live apart for a while. It is possible that you are just tired and you need to miss each other.
• Have you separated yet? Do not interfere with the father in his desire to communicate with the child (unless, of course, he is a maniac, from whom everyone should stay away). Don't use your child as a bargaining chip in your relationship with your ex-husband. Think about the interests of the crumbs, and not about your grievances.

Life after divorce and the attitude of parents to the child

As a rule, after the divorce proceedings, the child is left with the mother. Well, if the parents managed not to stoop to the division of property and other squabbles. Then the father freely comes to the child, and the baby does not feel abandoned. You can always find a compromise. A loving mother will find a solution that will ensure a happy childhood for the child, even in an incomplete family. Life after a divorce does not end, and for many it is just beginning!

Is it worth it to save a family for the sake of a child? Parent feedback

- It all depends, in any case, on the circumstances. If constant drinking and scandals, if no care, if it doesn’t bring money, then drive such a husband with a filthy broom. This is not the father, and the child does not need such an example. Immediately deprive the rights, and goodbye, Vasya. Especially if there is an alternative. And if more or less, then you can forgive and endure.

There is no definite answer here. Although you can understand the situation by the behavior of her husband. That is, he got tired of everything, or he is ready to find a consensus.)) A crisis happens in every family. Some pass it with dignity, others get divorced. My friend told me that at one time he could not be in the same apartment with his beloved wife. Moreover, he loves her very much, but here ... there are such periods in life. Nothing, waits.

If there are feelings (well, at least some!), then you should just be patient, change the situation, go on vacation together ... It's just fatigue, that's normal. Family is hard work. The easiest way is to drop it and run away. And it is much more difficult to constantly invest in relationships, to give in, to give. But without it, nowhere.

My husband lost interest during pregnancy. First, to me, and the child was born - so there was not even any interest in him. Perhaps it was difficult for him to wait until it was “possible” (I was not allowed). In general, we have already met our son for half a year separately. Now he has his own family, I have mine. I didn't fight. I don't think love can be forced. We must let go and move on. But we have a good relationship. Husband comes to me to complain about his new wife))). And the son is happy, and there is a father, and a mother. No quarrels. He's big already - ten soon. And the husband was always with him (phone, weekends, vacations, etc.), so the son did not feel inferior.

When living for the sake of children is still normal. Much can be forgiven and endured for the sake of a child. But when for the sake of a mortgage ... This is already a disaster. I will never understand mothers like this.

We divorced when our daughter was a year old. There was also a choice - to endure, live for the sake of children or leave. To endure his drunken antics, loose hands and other "joys", or go nowhere, without money and work, even without things. I chose the latter and have no regrets. She filed for divorce, for deprivation of rights. They didn’t deprive me of my rights, my nerves were frayed, but he lagged behind me. He didn't even want to see the baby. Generally. Now I think - what a fine fellow I am that I left. Yes, it was hard. They rented a small room, there was not enough money. But then the child did not have to look at all those horrors. And the presence of a dad ... Better none than this.

Question: I have been married for almost five years. During all this time, I experienced both good moments and bad ones. However, recently I realized that all the feelings for my husband have gone. Despite this, I continue to live with him only for the sake of the child. Is it worth it?

If you are sure that you do not have feelings for your husband, I think you should not waste your life in vain. But isn't it better to talk to your spouse? Maybe he pays you less attention, affection and tenderness?

I can't imagine how feelings can suddenly disappear. But then it is better to live separately, maintaining good relations, than to endure each other every day.

sveta85 wrote:
Despite this, I continue to live with him only for the sake of the child. Is it worth it?

First you need to make sure that there are no feelings, they will not return, and then together we will think about what to do next. And you never know what seems in moments of quarrel or resentment. But for the sake of the child, many couples live and do it quite consciously.

Babusika wrote:
Mariya, but I have a good idea. I have a similar situation, and the critical moment has already come when we do not live together. sveta85, does your husband even know that you no longer love him? Maybe we should talk and decide something?

He doesn't know about it. But for the conversation, I feel that I'm just not ready yet.
How many years have you been married?

Jelly Amy

Sveta, what is left in the bottom line? Love has passed, I understand. Or rather, the passion is gone. Love hasn't come yet. But what about respect? Sympathy? Common affairs? Common views? Take your time with cardinal decisions - first try to look at your husband from a different angle.

sveta85, Yes, many live like this, but where to go, the child must have a father, and it is very difficult to raise one now.

Or maybe you need to change something in family life? It's just that monotony really bothers sometimes, and feelings go away.

You can try, only then you will have to constantly change, because without changes it will get worse and worse.

It should not be worse for the child, because then he will understand that you are already completely strangers with your husband. Maybe your husband and you will find your happiness and then you will also be friends

A husband can find that happiness, but it will be much more difficult for a woman with a child to do all this. And it's hard to raise one.

Olga Prokopchuk

Don't rush into a decision so you don't regret it later. The monotonous life begins to destroy your relationship every day, so you need a change of scenery. Go on vacation together and there you will understand if you want to save your family. My husband and I had six years of marriage and it seemed to me that I didn’t feel anything for him at all. We had a big fight and he said he was leaving. I was very much afraid that he would no longer be in my life. A month later, we went to a ski resort for a vacation, and after a wonderful vacation together, the feelings returned again.

Recently I found out that my husband is cheating on me with a minor mistress. He spends money on her and buys her gifts, even bought an iPhone. And he hasn’t bought anything for me for 10 years already ... We have a 15-year-old son, he doesn’t even have things. I read his correspondence with her on the phone. She is 19 years old ... I am 42. My husband and I are the same age. It was terribly painful to read all this ... I cried bitterly. We often argue with him. He always called me old, and said that it would be better not to get married. He has been cheating on me for 2 years now. I didn't tell him anything about my mistress. I just stopped talking to him and started sleeping all day. He does not worry about this at all, as if it should be so. An ordinary woman would have thrown a scandal, but I just kept silent. My brain refuses to accept this reality. And just plunged into apathy. I'm in the deepest depression. I loved this man madly from my youth and still love. Despite betrayal and humiliation. How I dreamed in my years that he would pay attention to me, I wanted to get married. My dream came true and at first I lived like in paradise. And now... I want to die. I live only for the sake of the child. But if it wasn't for him, I would have killed myself. Help! I beg.
Support the site:

Nina, age: 42 / 03/15/2016

Responses:

Dear, dear, woman! I'm not very good at writing, but I so want to say words of consolation to you. Why are you so neglecting yourself? You are only 42!!! And the baby is no longer small! And that the husband is a male, well, so God is with him. This will be his eternal torment. Would you, dear, take yourself in hand and look at life from a different perspective. There is so much beauty and kindness in it! And you buried yourself in your relationships and so-called love (it would be for someone). For happiness, you don’t need an ai background, expensive clothes, or a dubious husband !!! I left mine at 4 months of pregnancy with my third child .. everything, I thought, I would change my mind, I would start to love, appreciate .. Thank God, we survived and were also glad that no one was spoiling our blood! a happy and calm mother is the key to the happiness of her children. Your growing child does not have to learn that Dejection is a normal form of life. Learn for yourself and teach him that no matter what, life is a gift and happiness. God bless you!

Ira, age: 48 / 03/15/2016

And you take it and do the opposite, take care of yourself. Go to the temple, put candles and pray for yourself, your family and even for your offender (try to forgive her, give judgment on her to God). Walk more, do your hair, please yourself, even in small things.

Tatyana, age: 42 / 03/15/2016

Nina dear, talk heart to heart with your husband, it’s not like you live like this with a traitor and continue to endure, tell him to leave his mistress and take up his mind, but he’s good for her father! After all, you have a son and he needs care and attention from his father, if he doesn’t want to, then you shouldn’t humiliate yourself and endure such an attitude, drive him in the neck, get a divorce and build your life, happiness from scratch, you still have such an age when you can find a good a man older than you. There is no need to die, throw these thoughts out of your head, go to a psychologist - talk about it, remove this burden from your soul. Both the doors and the roads behind these doors are still open in front of you, find your way, devote time to yourself and your child, and you need to figure it out with your husband and put all the points in their places.

Alice , age: 00 / 03/15/2016

YOUR love for your husband remained, in your son! Give him all your love and warmth. He needs it, and will need it for a long time, believe me, like the daughter of one who, from my very childhood, spoke about suicide and made attempts in front of the child. Listen to me, whose mother talks like you. You have no idea how painful it is for a child to hear!! We are your children, we really need you, we have no one closer than mother, if you are not there, who will take care of the son. For us children, it doesn’t matter whether the old mother is or not, how she looks, strict or soft. the main thing is that she lives! I beg you, live!

Katya, age: 24/15.03.2016

Hello. Dear Nina, it's hard for you, it's hard, but not a single man in the world is worth your life. I advise you to do what you love, find a variety of hobbies, hobbies, live for yourself, for your son, future grandchildren. And sooner or later the husband will come to his senses, understand what mistake he made. Hold on and don't lose heart!

Irina, age: 28 / 15.03.2016

Nina, hello!
I have read your letter. Nina, it became clear to me that the situation inside your relationship has not been good for many years.
Many of your years have been wasted.
Nina, I don't know if you read the replies to your letter and what kind of help you want.
You grieve, it's hard for you. It will pass. I want you to really think about yourself.
Don't change anything. You need to save yourself.
Get divorced as soon as possible. Take care of your life.
Whose apartment do you live in? What do you exist for?
If you are not working, start looking for a job immediately. Before the divorce, you must have the means to live and a guarantee to earn them. Consult with a lawyer regarding your shares of property and other matters. Document everything, otherwise there will be nothing to teach your son. And do not tell your husband anything in advance, do not warn.
Life is short, there is little active time left.
It does not matter what your husband says about you and what he thinks about you. Nina, I am 45 years old. She has been married for 25 years. I initiated the divorce. I'm having a hard time financially right now. But morally much better

Natalia, age: 45 / 03/16/2016

Is it worth it to live together for the sake of children? Unfortunately, this question is very relevant in our days, when the divorce statistics are so incredible that it just barely fits in the head.

I will not prevaricate - at one time this question was asked to ourselves by my husband and I. We had a difficult period in our relationship, when it seemed that nothing could be done and there were only two options for our family: to live together only for the sake of the child, or simply to break up - so many problems and unresolved situations had accumulated ...

Option 1. Disperse.

At first glance, the most simple. But not exactly. First of all, children almost always perceive the breakup of their parents at their own expense. It wasn’t dad who left mom, but dad left me (the child), because I’m not like that, I’m bad, I’m not worthy of love, I did something wrong, etc. The child's world is collapsing.

If you only knew how many problems are associated with this injury and how many people drag this burden through their whole lives, often not even suspecting where the legs come from for certain problems - with schooling, with self-esteem, with relationships already in their families , with self-realization, with a sense of safety and security, the reliability of this world, etc. and so on….. Many children experience it so hard that they earn a real neurosis, someone starts to stutter, someone withdraws into himself, someone becomes aggressive. This is a good piece of bread for psychologists and psychotherapists.

Of course, I do not undertake to equate everyone with the same brush. The situations are different. If a father beats a child every day, then, of course, his departure can hardly be considered a negative event in the life of the family. But often (very often) families collapse, where both the husband and wife are wonderful people who love the child (and whom the child loves), but they cannot (do not want to?) find a common language with each other.

As for the parents themselves, having not learned to communicate in this family, they often enter into new relationships with old problems (even if they are expressed differently) and everything starts from the beginning.

Obviously this is not the best solution...

Option 2. Live together for the sake of the child.

More than once I have seen families where the husband and wife love children and do not dare to destroy the family, to hurt the child. The father does not want to be a "coming dad", the wife does not want to deprive the child of a good father. And everyone understands that together they can give the child much more than individually.

They stay together... What often happens in this case?

Husband and wife live without love, in a state of alienation and coldness, quarrels often continue in such families, there is also little respect for each other.

A woman in such a situation often sacrifices herself, the opportunity to be happy in new family, find a person with whom she will be happy.

Living in a destructive family in which her husband does not love her, she gets a lot of problems - self-esteem below zero, a feeling of humiliation (criticism against her or inappropriate behavior towards her), constant depression, lack of desire to create and be realized in some business , as a result - constant irritation, breakdowns on the same children, feelings of guilt, etc.

What do children see?

Mom and dad do not love each other (= one of my half does not love my other half), they do not love me (otherwise they would know how it hurts me when they quarrel, how scared I am at these moments and how I want it to be faster over! how I want to live in love).

Growing up, they begin to rebel: I hate my parents (because they hate me), I hate myself because I'm bad (which is expressed in different ways, this is a separate topic), I hate the whole world (because it is unsafe, people are angry and aggressive ).

Also, the model of the family is forever imprinted in the child's subconscious: the girl absorbs how her husband can treat her and how she should behave with her husband. A boy - what a husband should be and how he should treat his wife.

In the future, it is this model that they will “drag” into their adult life (but more on that in a separate article).

I recently spent poll on one of the forums. Here are his results.

I lived (lived) in a family where parents lived together only for the sake of us (children) and I believe that:

1. It was a negative experience for me, it would be better if they dispersed (exactly 70% of the respondents).

2. I am grateful that my parents lived together for us. So in any case it is better (30%).

In the comments, the girls wrote this.

“I feel very sad that my mother actually sacrificed herself for me. She sacrificed the opportunity to be happy. She was constantly depressed. It was only recently that I became aware of my own guilt about this situation. I always felt indebted to my mother. But this is a debt that I cannot repay. And it's very depressing."

“Our family is now very similar to the family of parents. It is very difficult for me to show patience, wisdom, I do not understand at all what a healthy family should be like. Now I have to work hard on myself in order to overcome all that childhood experience, which was far from the best for me.”

I'm actually very sorry that people often see just two of these solutions as soon as they encounter difficulties in a relationship. After all, there is a third! This decision did not come to my husband and me immediately and was very difficult.

So, what is worth doing for the sake of children? Divorce or live together without love?

Option 3. For the sake of children, it is worth learning to love!

If children are really dear to you, if this is really your main value, then There is no better gift for them than when mom and dad love each other!

I read somewhere else this sentence: Best gift what a father can do to his children is to love their mother.

Yes exactly. Why? Because a woman whom a man loves is inspired, her eyes glow with joy and happiness, she looks optimistically at the world and with this light of hers illuminates the whole family, and first of all her husband herself! In addition, this is an example (and for children - a standard, an imprint) of family relationships, a positive experience that will help them create a happy family in their adult life and live enjoying this happiness.

“A father should treat his wife the way he wants his son-in-law to treat her daughter in the future.”. This is just about the fact that children absorb the roles of husband and wife, and the girl, looking at her mother, will be sure that she also deserves such treatment.

I know that for many couples at a difficult moment, when they are wondering if it is worth living together for the sake of children, it seems impossible to love each other again.

It's really not easy. We will have to study each other anew, we will have to learn a lot, we will have to give each other time and the right to make mistakes, show patience and wisdom. But everything is possible for those who want to give their children the most valuable gift in their lives - a harmonious family, where mom and dad love each other! I have said many times that love is not only magic. It's a choice. An adult, informed choice, and it is in your hands.

I am very glad that at one time my husband and I understood this and decided - for the sake of our daughter - to love each other again, fill our relationship, become happy together.

It was not an easy decision. We built everything from scratch, we got to know each other again. And these efforts have been generously rewarded - now our relationship is much deeper than it was at the beginning, this is mature love which gives an extraordinary feeling of happiness and joy.

I hope that this article will make many couples think and someone will still see and choose the third option, believing in its reality.

With wishes of peace and harmony,

Tatiana Ivanko

Those who give up everything for them end up just as unhappy as their children, for whose sake, in fact, the parents gave up "everything".

You can’t live for the sake of a child, kill yourself on your nose. No matter how old he is - a month, a year, ten, thirty-eight - it doesn't matter. You have your life, he has his. But your life does not depend on his, remember.

Of course, you need to take care of the child. Without your maternal love, your warmth, care, upbringing, he will not be able to live and develop normally. You are a very important person to him, just as he is to you. But you are different people, and if your whole life is concentrated only in him, then what will happen later, when he wants to leave, to separate? And we will tell you what will happen.

Your child will have difficulty with others

Do you know why? Because he is used to being the best for his mother, his mother pays him a lot of attention and unconditionally fulfills all the whims. And for some reason others do not do this, scoundrels! Imagine the disappointment for a child.

Of course, even its minuses for you are such cute features, and sometimes even pluses. Only those around him see him without embellishment, and perceive him the same way. This will not be reflected in the best way on self-esteem and building relationships with other people.

Mom can interfere with personal life

Total control and presentation to all potential daughters-in-law are the companions of many mothers who devote their lives to their son (this also works with girls, there is no gender inequality in this regard). No one, in their opinion, deserves to be next to their unsurpassed and ideal son.

Only now the son either abruptly stops communicating with his mother and starts his own life without unnecessary advice, or turns into an infantile sissy, unable to take responsibility not only for his family, but even for himself. And this is with an inexhaustible feeling that everyone owes him, so precious.

The child begins to perceive his mother as an attachment to himself

Sexologist Yulia Yarmolenko told about them. According to her, she drew attention to this problem after a lecture on the topic of sexual abuse for 10-12 year old children. At that time, many children who listened to her said that they would not seek help even if they themselves became victims of violence.

She married early, barely graduating from college. She gave birth to one child, and a year later another. There was simply no time left for a career, own hobbies and hobbies. All the time in cooking, washing, cleaning ... And not to say that she did not like it or that the family was unhappy, no. The sons grew up healthy and joyful, because their mother took care of them. They became the meaning of life for her.

That's just the moment when the children grew up. One left to study in another country, and the other decided to build his own family and moved to live with a girl in a separate apartment. And at that very moment, her life collapsed. After all, she had nothing left. Bottom line: she is lonely, broken and her life has become empty, and in the heart of the children there is a constant feeling of guilt for her loneliness.

A little different story. She became pregnant by a man who did not need them and decided to raise this child for herself. The boy was always surrounded by care and love. Mom herself dragged everything on herself, trying to provide her son with a wonderful life, forgetting about herself, about her personal life and dreams.

She succeeded, he grew up a successful boy, only with a sense of indebtedness. Bottom line: He's 50, single, no kids, still living with his mom trying to pay off his debt. It just won't work.

And another one. Her life did not work out very well: her career did not go uphill (although she did not particularly strive), the prince did not meet, and the children, accordingly, did not appear. And the number in the passport was already approaching 40. So she decided to have a baby so that she would have at least something in her life. With the hands of her child, she wanted to realize all the plans that she herself could not bring to life.

She so wanted to become a pianist, but her own mother forbade her to do so. So from an early age she took the child to a music school and waited for him to get her an asterisk from the sky. But the child did not like the piano, he hated it with all his heart.

But she couldn't argue with her mother. After all, “mother put her whole life on you” and this was the reason for everything. As a result, the child never got the “star from the sky”, but rather, on the contrary, became an infantile adult without any ambitions. But he can play the piano.

How many such stories? How many times have parents sacrificed their lives for the sake of their children, for their bright future, and only made things worse for themselves and their children? You can't even count them, there are millions of them. And all because of the fact that parents make children - the meaning of life. This is just completely wrong...

Problems of parents and children

Indian wisdom says: "A child is a guest in your house". This must be remembered by every parent at all times. A child is not your property, he is a person who has his own life, his own hobbies, goals, dreams. The duty of the parents is to provide him with a happy childhood, to give him the essentials, and to let him go when the time is right. Child in the life of parents- not the center of the universe.

That's just to provide - it means to give what you can, and not to sacrifice everything, if only the child gets all the best. These sacrifices are not needed, the children do not need them. And if you do this, then the children should not even guess about it. After all, reproaching them for what you gave them, you nurture in them a sense of guilt, a sense of duty that they need to return.

That's just Do children owe parents? In my humble opinion, no, they shouldn't. We ourselves decide to have children. But why are we doing this? For them to implement what we failed to do? To take care of us in old age? Agree, it's pretty selfish. It seems to me that, first of all, all this is done in order to give a new life to this world, in order to experience the happiness of motherhood or fatherhood.

Pope Francis once said: “The parents of Jesus went to the temple to confirm that their son belongs to God and that they are only protectors of His life, not owners. It makes us think: all parents are protectors of children's lives, not owners."

And on the other side of all this is your life. Becoming a parent does not stop you from being a person. Your interests, your personal life and your dreams are no less important than caring for a child. Never forget about it.

You should not live only for the sake of children, you should not make them the meaning of life. Find the meaning of life in another. Love your soul mate, the children will leave, but you will stay together. It is not worth neglecting the family and the relationship between you and your chosen one.

Love yourself. When you were a child, what did you dream about? Now, remember this. Make your dreams come true, try to find what you like. After all, how else can you teach a child to love himself and achieve goals?

Please don't live for the kids. Of course, this is your choice, your business and no one has the right to tell you what is right. But think about it ... Now, when I see these children, to whom their parents gave everything and even more, it hurts me to look into their eyes. Guilt of those who cannot repay this irredeemable debt to their parents. The broken heart of those who decided to build their lives, but still cannot forgive themselves for leaving their parents.

And this should not be, children should not feel guilty for deciding to build their own life. After all, how else can they find their happiness? Nobody says that you should not love your children - love them with all your heart, give them happiness and joy, just remember that guardianship can be excessive. And also that children will grow up sooner or later and they will have to be released from this care.

As Cooper, the hero of my favorite sci-fi movie, said: "Parents become ghosts of their children's future". And I think every parent needs to think carefully about these words. What kind of ghost do you want to become for your children: a heavy burden or a bright memory?