Capricious child how to deal with him. Doctor Komarovsky on what to do with a capricious child. Causes of tantrums in children

A stubborn and capricious child causes parents to worry. He either violently resents, or expresses a silent protest at the request to wash his hands or put his scattered toys back in place. In some babies, such reactions are observed regularly, and parents get used to treating such behavior as a completely normal phenomenon. It is wrong to think that it is normal for a preschooler to be capricious and stubborn, but nevertheless, whims are more often manifested in preschoolers. Why is this happening?

It's all about the psychophysical age characteristics of children. The younger the child, the more vividly the processes of excitation are expressed in him, which means that he can behave unrestrainedly, impulsively. However, often the reasons for stubborn and capricious behavior lie not so much in a psychophysical predisposition, but in improper upbringing. They manifest themselves in different ways, most often, this is an excited emotional state and a change of desires - according to adults, causeless. However, children's whims have their own logic.

The vagaries of newborns

Babies who lie in the cradle do not yet have whims as such. The baby signals to parents by crying that he is hungry, that he wet the diaper or wants to sleep, but these are not whims. However, if adults do not learn to understand their child and anticipate his crying, then the baby will form the habit of tears to achieve what he wants. If negative emotions are manifested too often, they become habitual, and can become a prerequisite for the emergence of real whims.

Whims of babies of the second and third year of life

The prerequisites for the whims of such babies are unsatisfied natural needs of the body (say, drowsiness, fatigue or hunger), as well as physical discomfort (the baby is cold or hot, it is uncomfortable to sleep, he has tight shoes, etc.) Sometimes whims can signal a disease. Feeling physically unwell, the child does not know how to report it to an adult. To suppress unpleasant sensations, he requires attention from adults, but, of course, he does not receive relief, therefore he begins to act up and cry. Also, children can be capricious even after an illness, when they are already on the mend. Since the baby is still weakened, he cannot participate in all he wants or move enough. A forced decrease in activity leads to unreasonable, at first glance, crying. Sometimes, having got used to the increased attention during the illness, the child does not want to give it up.

The main reason for whims is improper upbringing.

When adults immediately satisfy all the desires of the child, as soon as he begins to cry, he develops a dangerous habit of getting everything by crying and screaming. This habit is fixed rapidly and turns into a character trait. The youngest children exhibit whims in the form of unwanted persistence. For example, a one-year-old baby wants to receive an object that has attracted his attention. He does not respond to any "no". If the object is hidden, the child seeks to get it and repeats with enviable obstinacy “Give!” It usually ends in tears. The younger the child, the more unconscious the negative manifestations. Often they replace the impossibility of explaining your desire to adults in a different way. The child grows, his consciousness develops, whims acquire a deliberate and conscious character, develop into purposeful behavior. If the child screams, falls to the floor, stomps, throws toys, or swings at you, it is advisable to take him to the doctor to distinguish whims from nervous manifestations.

Learn to calmly endure the screams and cries of the child - at least outwardly. Leave him alone with himself until he calms down. Remember that a violent display of emotions is designed for the audience. When the child is convinced that his cry does not hurt others, he will gradually wean from imitation of tantrums.
Distinguish between needs and whims. If a child can calmly explain to you why he wants something, then this is a need. Remember that children's and adults' needs are different. Do not neglect the needs of the crumbs, try to put yourself in the place of the baby.
It's no secret that children need. But, when the child has an abundance of care and attention, he begins to unconsciously abuse them. Already at the end of the first year of life, the child can purposefully scream and cry in order to draw parental attention to himself.
Do not raise your voice to the child, even if you no longer have the strength to endure his ugly behavior. Speak in a calm tone. Remember that the child copies you, you are an example for him to follow.
Explain why "no". Do not consider the child an unintelligent creature, he is much smarter than you imagine, and he has every right to know why you refuse him.
Make sure the rejection does not harm your child. At a certain age, babies begin to actively explore the world around them. Explain to the child that things are divided into “own” and “strangers”, and that “foreign” things cannot be taken. But, if the baby took some of your things without permission, do not immediately rush to take it away, but offer an alternative option. In most cases, children easily agree to the exchange, especially if you patiently explain the reason.
Do not indulge whims. Often parents allow their child to do everything. And, when he receives his first refusal, he begins to act up. Remember - if a child does something that you do not like, you must tell him about it. Moreover, explain in detail and calmly why this cannot be done, giving weighty arguments. Don't idolize yourself by saying, "Don't do this because I said so." For example, if a child watches TV for too long, talk about its harm to children's eyes and that you are worried about the baby. As a rule, having heard this, the children begin to act up - then you should offer the child an alternative option, switch his attention. For example, play an interesting game together. If the child starts crying and acting up, and after that you allow him to watch TV further, he will understand that you are easy.
Try to switch places. This is a good method for kids over 3 years old who already understand what's what. When a child begins to act up, copy him - whimper, lightly grab the baby by the hand, shout or demand something. This is not a very pedagogical method, but it is effective, but remember that it should be used only as a last resort. It is better, of course, to explain everything to the child in a civilized way.
Set the right example for your child. Do not be capricious yourself, do not swear with loved ones, do not yell at them.

Is it worth punishing whims?

What do you mean by punishment. not possible in any case. You can deprive the child of attention, let him know that you do not like his behavior, and you are not obliged to listen to him until he becomes prudent. Remember that you are older and should behave in a balanced and reserved manner.. You must be able to explain to the child why he is wrong. The main thing is to find an approach to your baby, and, believe me, there will be much less whims!

Children's whims disturb many parents. And sometimes parents do not know how to respond to children's whims, crying, tantrums. And such childish behavior provokes a surge of negative emotions, unrest, anxiety, swearing and quarrels. Just this article will provide you with some tips on how to avoid such situations and solve the problem in the best way.

In any situation, remain calm. Do not yell at the child: find a way to get your point across to him differently. Explain why you won't do what he wants. If the child does not respond to your arguments, wait until he calms down and can accept your words. In order to bring the child out of hysterics, hug him tightly and hold him in your arms for a while. Tell your child that you love him even when he is angry. And it upsets you if he screams loudly and throws himself on the floor.
Be patient. It is better to wait out a fit of tantrum in a public place, not reacting to the behavior of the child and the comments of others. If possible, take the screaming baby to the car or take it out of the store to the street. When he calms down, calmly discuss the situation with him and explain that it is unacceptable to behave in the presence of strangers.
Keep your word. If you said "no", stick to this prohibition, no matter how sorry you are for your baby. Many parents are ready to allow their children anything, as long as they stop screaming. By doing so, you reinforce the child's unwanted behavior. The advice is: to all family members stick to the same parenting strategy. This will help prevent children's whims at the stage of their inception.
The arguments must be reasonable. Try to "negotiate" with the child. Children over the age of four already understand the connection between their bad behavior and subsequent punishment. To do this, set clear rules for your child. For example, “if you don’t stop screaming, you will be left without cartoons.”
Switch the child's attention. Do not punish the child for whims. It is wiser to divert his attention to something else. For example, asking to find some product on the shelves or offering to carry a basket in a supermarket. The need to perform any action will help distract the child from his whims and desire to insist on his own.
Prevent children's whims. Try to prevent children's whims. Avoid situations where the likelihood of a tantrum in a child is high. For example, you should not go to the store with a hungry and tired child, because. it can cause a new explosion of emotions.
Leave the child alone for a while. If the child cannot calm down in any way, does not respond to any persuasion, just leave him alone. Just ignore. It is advisable to leave the child alone at the moment. Shouting and crying will quickly pass, because one is not interested in crying, there are no listeners. After the child has already calmed down, go up to him and tell him that the behavior made you very upset and upset.
Cultivate a positive attitude in your child. Always praise your child for good behavior. If you constantly focus the attention of the child on negative actions, then these actions will be reproduced constantly in order to attract your attention. Create a favorable home atmosphere, establish contact with the baby through joint walks, entertainment, cooking your favorite treat. This will reduce the child's desire to be in opposition, teach you to prioritize, wait for the promised pleasure.
Always give your child a choice. Don't force your child to comply with your demands. In cases of conflict, you should create pleasant perspectives for the child, which will help him come to terms with the fact that now he needs to do something that he does not like.
Avoid nervous home environment and parental scandals. Whims can appear in a child due to the fact that he lacks something, due to dissatisfaction with his curiosity, boredom and doing nothing, lack of parental attention and communication. The behavior of parents is exemplary for children.

We hope that our advice will always help you to respond correctly in any situation that has arisen. It is important to remember that any manifestations in children occur for a reason, there is a reason for everything. Parents must learn to respond appropriately to them. Patience to you and strength in the successful upbringing of your children !!!

The whims of the child and how to deal with them?

What is a whim is known to many parents of babies. In childhood, when a child begins to defend his opinion in the family, whims often arise. Some parents try to suppress this phenomenon in a child,impose their opinion, talk about the inadmissibility of whims. In fact, whim is not such a bad thing.

The word "whim" came to us from the French language and is translated as "stubbornness, perseverance; whim, whim." Children's whims, as a rule, are accompanied by crying or even a cry of a child, and excitement is expressed by sharp movements. The child stomps his feet, waves his head or arms, sometimes even falls to the floor.

In order to understand how to deal with the whims of a child, it is necessary to firmly grasp that whims are not accidental and never arise from scratch. They always have some reasons, and if adults react incorrectly to children's whims, then they only support and reinforce them. The right way to wean a child from whims is to know the age-related characteristics of the child's psyche, adherence to the regime, the unity of requirements for the child, finding the golden mean between lack and excess of attention. And most importantly - love and great patience!

At different ages and whims are different. A baby cries most often due to some kind of discomfort, and this can hardly be called a whim. Rather, it is a request for help. At the age of one, three, five years, the child experiences age-related crises, and these periods bring with them vivid emotional reactions in children. During periods of age crisis, it would be correct to perceive whims as a half-natural psychological reaction. At this time, the child needs a special approach and a sensitive attitude. But if adults raise a child incorrectly, then whims and children's tantrums often become a habitual form of behavior. Indeed, for the first years of life, the child begins to realize himself as an individual and actively explores the world around him. The kid needs to touch everything, put it in his mouth, understand about every thing - what is it and how does it work? It is the same with parents - the child needs to experience how the elders will react to this or that behavior, what will they do if their comments are ignored? And if, experimenting with various forms of behavior, he got the desired result for himself, then this way of behavior is remembered by him as the most effective and is fixed in his mind. So it turns out that adults, because of their mistakes, often become guilty of the whims of their children. And after that they begin to comprehend how to deal with children's whims.

How to respond to whims

Depending on how small the child is, his whims are also different. The baby may cry if he is uncomfortable or when he wants to eat. And this is not a whim. In this way, the baby draws attention to itself, asks for help. Between the ages of three and five, a child experiences the very first age crisis in their life. This period is characterized by too emotional reactions. A whim is considered a consequence of a natural psychological reaction. At this time, he is more vulnerable than usual, in terms of mental stability, so he needs a special attitude and tactics of behavior.

It is not always possible to predict when the next outbreak of stubbornness will occur. The best tactic is to give the child as much physical freedom as possible. Is it really so bad if during a walk your baby is happy to stomp through puddles or is busy looking for roots in the ground?
A fit of stubbornness in children can sometimes be avoided from the start. They don't like being interrupted while playing.
Don't give too much importance to stubbornness. Take note of the attack, but do not worry too much about the child.
Do not try to inspire anything to your baby at this time. Remarks, notations in such a situation do not make sense. He is very excited and cannot understand you.
Be persistent with your child. If you said "No", stay with this opinion.
Children feel the mood of their parents very much. Try not to show your child your irritation, negative emotions. This can increase an attack of stubbornness.
Don't give up even when your child's stubbornness is in a public place. Most often, only one thing helps - take him by the hand and take him away.
Give your child the right to choose. For example, if you know that the child does not want to go outside in a hat, then instead of “put on a hat”, it is better to say: “Which hat do you want, blue or green?” The child will have a feeling of independent choice, and the fact that in the end he goes for a walk in a headdress has passed his attention.
Do not force the child to obey, but play the situation as if you need help: "I forgot how to brush my teeth properly, show me, please." The child will be pleased that he can teach his mother something, and clean his teeth - better than usual!
In a conflict situation, create a child-friendly perspective. Talk to him about the pleasant event that awaits him soon, and this will help him come to terms with the fact that now something not very pleasant needs to be done. For example: "Vanya, now you need to collect scattered toys, and then I will give you paints, and you will draw."

Secrets from psychologists.

Communicate with your childletting him know that he has been heard. To do this, when answering, rephrase his message. "Mother, I do not want to eat " " You don't want to eat nowthen we'll have lunch later." "Mother,Kolya hit me» « Kolya hit youand you're angry with him." This way of communicating gives the child the feeling that he is heard and understood.

Since the early childhooddevelop your child's will. Will is not the ability to insist on one's own, but the ability to cope with difficulties. Encourage children to eat, dress, put away toys, dust, and clean up after themselves. Spending a few minutes cleaning up crumbled bread or spilled water will pay off three times later.

Use the third call rule. To prevent children's tantrums, start talking in advance about the end of a business. “After 10 minutes we turn off the TV. The TV turns off after five minutes. Stop. The TV turns off."

Talk to your child about your desires:I was already a wolf, and I don’t want to be him again, let’s switch roles”, “Grandma is tired…”, “You offended your sister…”. The sooner a child learns to understand the feelings of others, the easier it will be for him to adapt in society.

Change the subject . This is the easiest way - just change the subject. For example, if the baby does not want to wash, desperately resists, ask him: "What did you do today in the kindergarten?" Focus on the pleasant part. Instead of rudely insisting on your own ("Let's go to the bathroom immediately!"), Focus the baby's attention on the pleasant aspects of the upcoming action. Say things like, "Let's see if the rubber duck can blow bubbles!"

Come up with a nice way to get to the desired action. Liven up the environment. For example, instead of "Stop whining and get in the bath immediately!" you can say: "Let's fly into the bath like a dragon!", grab the baby, circle with him along the road, growl like a dragon, and sank into the water with a hiss.

outright lies. This method can also be a source of great fun. For example, if you notice that the child is about to scream, turn to the side, put your finger to your lips and say: "Shh!" Then, in a theatrical whisper, ask if he heard something. Then, in roughly the same tone, whisper, "Dinosaurs!" - and crawl with him to the window to look at the dinosaurs. In this case, anything works. Ask a child who was naughty in the supermarket if a blue bunny ran through here.

How to avoid tantrums in the store?

An example of one of the mothers, how to avoid tantrums in the store.

Son: "Mom, buy me this car."

Mom: "No, we didn't plan to buy a car today."

Son: "Mom, buy me this car."

Mom: "No, today we will not buy this car."

Son: “You never buy me what I want. You do not love me!"

Mom, I love you very much. I understand how upset you are now that I cannot buy this machine today. Do you really want to have it?"

Son: “Yes, I really, really want this car!”

Mom pulls out a notepad and a pen from her bag. “Let me write down that you really want this machine. And the next time we have the opportunity, we will definitely buy it. Good?"

The child slowly calms down: "Okay, mom." And the mother has the opportunity for the next holiday to buy exactly the typewriter that the child wanted. Hysteria has been averted!

And to complete the picture, do not forget about the rule that should be firmly imprinted in your brain.

Ignore behavior you don't like.

Praise the behavior you enjoy.